The Maddest Time Ever
by gummy and bunny
Summary: -It sprouted wings!- Tatra yelled. excerpt from chapter 6
1. To The Burrow!

Disclaimer: We don't own anything but the words. Chapter 1 rewritten 12/2003 by Bunny. We hope everyone who reads this story likes it, and that you read until the end of chapter 4 before you decide if it sucks or not. (Also, R&R!!) - Bunny   
  
  
  


Chapter one - To The Burrow!   
  


"Harry!" Aunt Petunia's piercing voice called out, waking Harry up, "Come down here and help me make breakfast!" 

Harry sat up and called down to his aunt that he was awake. Then he got out of his bed and put away his photo album of his friends. 

In only a few days, Harry Potter was going back to his school, Hogwarts, with his friends, and he couldn't wait. 

After getting dressed, Harry went down to the kitchen and started the Dursley's breakfast.   
  


Harry was just putting the food on the table when an owl came swooping in, it was Pig. 

"Pig, come here," Harry said as he reached for the hyperactive owl. 

Two minutes of chasing Pig around the room, with the Dursleys watching in horror, later Harry finally caught Pig and took the letter. 

Harry gave Pig a huge owl treat, then quickly opened the letter and read it. It was from Ginny, telling him he was going to the Burrow to support Ron, who had touched one of the twin's experimental pranks. She also described what had happened to him. 

Harry wrote a response to the letter and sent it with Pig. 

Then Harry, after telling the Dursleys that he was leaving, went up to his room and packed his trunk. 

At 12:00 sharp, Mr Weasley drove up in front of the house in a ministry car. He parked the car, then got out and rang the doorbell, after admiring it, five times. 

Harry had opened the door at the third ring and had managed to drag Mr Weasley away from the doorbell at the fifth ring to help him with his trunk. 

They got the trunk into the boot of the car and then left Privet Drive. 

They stopped off at Hermione's house on the way to the Burrow, and picked her up. She was drawn into the conversation about doorbells as soon as she got in the car. 

When they got to the Burrow they had talked about doorbells, pens, television, cars, traffic lights, and they were in the middle of talking about dishwashers when they arrived. 

After promising to talk later, Hermione and Harry entered the Burrow, leaving Mr Weasley to bring the trunks in. They went to the kitchen and saw Ron immediately. 

"Wow," Harry said as Hermione gasped. 

Ron was blue, there was no denying it. 

He was sitting at the table with Ginny, eating something. Then Hermione and Harry noticed his wings and his tail. 

"So, how are you, Ron? Feeling ok?" Harry asked. 

Ron turned around and replied, "I'm fine, except for the fact that I look weird, mum keeps making me drink potions, and they're thinking about calling in Snape!" 

Harry looked horrified at Ron and Hermione looked thoughtfully at him. 

"Snape?" Hermione said. 

"They can't!" Harry said, outraged. 

"Well, he may know a cure," Hermione said hesitantly. 

"Who's side are you on?!" Ron demanded, "Snape can not see me like this!" 

"He still may know a cure," Hermione said as she frowned at Ron. 

"Madam Pomfrey's coming too," Ginny said. 

"I refuse to let Snape see me. I will lock myself in my room if I have to," Ron said as there was a knock at the door. 

It was Madam Pomfrey. She examined Ron for a few minutes before getting a potion out from her bag. 

"Drink this," she said, handing Ron the gooey orange potion. 

Ron took the vial and swallowed the liquid, then took a huge gulp of pumpkin juice. 

"My work here is done, that was a potion form of a cancel spell. By tomorrow you'll be back to normal," Madam Pomfrey said before leaving to talk to Mrs Weasley. 

"I guess Snape won't have to come after all," Harry said. 

"If this potion works," Ron said as he got up and put his dishes in the sink. 

"So, how is the tail magical?" Hermione asked the question that was on Harry's mind. 

"It shoots sparks when I wave it, and it moves on it's own," Ron answered. 

Just then Ron's tail moved in a shower of sparks and picked up his spoon. 

"Hey!" Ron exclaimed, "I wasn't done eating that yet!" 

Ginny giggled. 

"You wouldn't think it was funny if you had a tail," Ron said. 

"Sorry, but you have to admit it's funny," Ginny replied. 

Ron sighed. 

"Harry, Hermione, nice to see you two!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed as she entered the room, "Why don't you kids go upstairs and unpack and get ready for dinner." 

"Alright," Hermione said. 

"You'll be staying in Ginny's room, Hermione, and you, Harry, will be in Ron's" Mrs. Weasley told them. 

Ginny, Hermione and Harry started up the stairs. They were half way up when they realized that Ron wasn't with them. They looked back down and saw that Ron's tail had grabbed hold of the chair. 

"Guys! Help me!" Ron called. 

Harry and Hermione went over and pried the tail loose. 

"Thanks, Herman just didn't want to let go," Ron said as they started upstairs. 

"Herman?" Harry asked. 

"That's what Fred and George call it," Ron answered. 

"Herman." 

Ron nodded. 

"Fred and George are definitely weird," Hermione said. 

"Yup," Ron replied as he and Harry started up the stairs to Ron's room. 

Hermione and Ginny went into Ginny's room. 

Harry and Ron talked about their summers so far as Harry unpacked a few things, until they were called down to supper. 

"I was thinking that we would go get everyone's school supplies tomorrow," Mrs. Weasley said. 

"We can't! Not if I'm still like this!" Ron protested. 

"But Madam Pomfrey said that you wouldn't be blue," Ginny said. 

"She said tomorrow, but she didn't say when," Ron replied. 

Just then Ron got a funny feeling. The next thing he knew was that everyone was laughing hysterically. Then Ron noticed what they were laughing at, and turned a shade of crimson, and ran upstairs. 

He had become normal again, but when he became normal he was naked. 

"Well, it looks like we can go after all," Harry said. 

"Yes, it does," Hermione replied. 

A few minutes later Ron came back down, fully clothed, still a shade of crimson. 

"That's what happens when you touch things that don't belong to you," Fred said, still laughing. 

"Which reminds me, you two are grounded until you leave for school, and I better not see you with any more of your tricks," Mrs. Weasley said. 

"Aw." 

"But," Fred and George protested at the same time. 

"No buts," Mrs. Weasley said. 

Hermione was trying very hard not to look at Ron, for fear of laughing and not being able to stop. 

Harry was having a hard time too. He kept having to stop himself from shaking with silent laughter. 

"Great lot you are," Ron whispered to Harry, making him shake harder. 

"Are you okay, Harry?" Ginny, who had noticed him shaking, asked. 

"I'm fine. Excuse me, I'll be back." Harry managed to get upstairs before bursting out with laughter. Hermione soon followed him. 

It was several minutes before they calmed down enough to look at each other, which made them laugh even harder. 

A few minutes later Ron appeared at the top of the stairs. 

"What are you doing up here? Your dinner is getting cold," Ron told them. 

Hermione and Harry looked up at Ron and burst out laughing again. 

"Oh you two! I should have Mum kick you out," Ron said. 

"Sorry ~giggle~ Ron," Hermione said. 

"Yeah ~laugh~ we can't ~laugh~ help it," Harry joined in. 

"This better not reach school or Malfoy," Ron said, "now go eat dinner!" 

Harry and Hermione went down to finish eating, which took a while, considering every few minutes they had a laugh attack.   
  


After dinner, Harry, Ron, and Hermione went up to Ron's room. 

"Who do you think Dumbledore will hire for Defense Against Dark Arts?" Hermione asked over the din of the Ghoul in Ron's attic. 

"I hope it's Lupin," Harry said, "but as long as it isn't Snape, or a person trying to kill me, I really don't care." 

"It would be neat to have someone famous be our teacher," Hermione said. 

"You remember last time that happened," Ron replied, "and we don't need it to happen again." 

"It could be an Auror, some one who knows their stuff," Hermione suggested. 

"Fred and George said that a vampire was going to teach, but then later they said it was going to be a banshee, so I don't trust them," Ron said. 

"Why was that potion out, anyway, I thought you said that the twins kept everything in their room," Harry said. 

"They usually do, they said that they didn't put it out, but it's them! It was strange though, before I touched the potion to move it, I thought I saw two girls out of the corner of my eye," Ron said. 

"Two girls?" Hermione asked. 

"Yeah, I was probably imagining it though," Ron said. 

"Is that a new Quidditch poster?" Harry asked. 

"Yup. Fred and George gave it to me, to get Mum off their backs," Ron answered. 

"Cool," Harry said, getting up to look at it more closely. 

Hermione sighed as the two boys started talking about Quidditch, then went down to Ginny's room. 

Soon it was time for the two boys to go to bed. 

As Harry was drifting off to sleep he heard a voice say, "I love how you made his clothes disappear, his face was so funny!" 


	2. Hermione Gets a Bird

Disclaimer: we still don't own anything, cept for two characters that show up to say hi to Malfoy. Chapter 2 rewritten 12/2003 by Bunny. (And remember, R&R!!) - Bunny   
  
  
  


Chapter two- Hermione Gets a Bird   
  


Hermione was already eating breakfast when Harry and Ron stumbled downstairs the next morning, still in their pajamas. 

Yawning, Harry sat down and Ron got them bowls of cereal. 

"We'll be leaving soon for Diagon Alley, so hurry up!" Mrs. Weasley called. 

Hermione put her empty bowl in the sink, which started washing it, and went upstairs. 

Ginny, already dressed, came down, made herself toast, and then went back upstairs. 

"Not much of a morning person, is she? Didn't even say good morning," Harry remarked. 

"She's been like that lately, though she's normally wearing her pajamas, guess it's cause of you," Ron said with a grin. 

"There's nothing special about me," Harry sighed. 

"There is to her," Ron said, then shrugged. 

They finished eating, then went upstairs and got dressed. Then they waited downstairs for everyone. 

An hour later they were finally ready to leave by Floo Powder. 

Fred and George went first, Ginny went next, then Hermione, then Ron, and then, before Mrs. Weasley, Harry. 

Once at Diagon Ally, they went to Gringotts, then got their school supplies. 

Then Harry and Ron went to the Qudditch supply store while Ginny and Hermione went to a new store that was selling make up. 

"I don't know what girls see in that," Ron remarked as he looked at a shelf. 

"Yeah, but they don't know what we see in Qudditch," Harry replied. 

"I guess-look at that!" Ron interrupted himself, pointing to a box. 

"What is it?" Harry asked. 

"It's a device that makes you broom invisible to Muggles," Ron said as he picked up a box. "You just attach it to your broom." 

Harry wondered how much it costed, even though he didn't think he'd buy it, after all, he still had three more years of school left. 

"Yikes! It's 750 Galleons!" Ron yelped. 

"To much for you, Weasley." A voiced sneered. 

It was Draco Malfoy. Ron and Harry turned to face him. 

"It's pointless to buy it with what it costs," Harry replied. 

Draco opened his mouth to speak but stopped when a girl ran up to him, plucked one of his hairs, then ran out of the store, yelling, "Malfoy rhymes with fan-boy!", heading toward the make up store. 

A second girl came up to them and asked, "Have you ever considered writing a hula about Quidditch?" 

Then, with out waiting for an answer, ran out of the store, shouting something about having socks. 

The three boys stood there a moment, staring after them. Then Draco walked after them, with out saying another word to Harry and Ron. 

"He just makes me so mad," Ron said. 

"That's okay, I think he's made for it," Harry replied. 

Ron cheered up after that. 

They put the box back on the shelf and left to go join the girls, who were waiting for them outside the makeup store, each with a bag. 

Harry and Ron shook their heads and didn't say anything. 

"Malfoy entered the make up store," Hermione said, giggling. 

"He was probably following the girl that pulled out one of his hairs," Harry said before telling Hermione and Ginny what happened. 

"Weird," Ginny said when he was done. 

"Let's stop here," Hermione said when they reached the pet store. 

"What for?" Ron asked. 

"I want to get an owl so I can mail my parents more often," Hermione answered. 

"Alright then," Harry said as they entered the store. 

They looked around for a while before they came to a red-tailed hawk. 

"Isn't he beautiful?" Hermione asked. 

"Yes, you gonna get him?" Ginny asked. 

"I don't know, I've read that birds other than owls are harder to control," Hermione said. 

"He isn't to expensive, you can always buy him, and then buy an owl if he doesn't listen," Ginny reasoned. 

"I guess, what do you think?" Hermione asked Harry and Ron. 

"What ever you want to do," Harry answered. 

"I think I'll buy him," Hermione said a minute later, after thinking about it. 

She picked up the cage and went to wait in line with Ginny. 

"I thought she wanted an owl," Ron whispered to Harry. 

"She said she wanted one before and then she got Crookshanks, remember?" Harry said. 

Ron nodded. 

"Come back if he runs away, he's already tried twice," the person at the counter said. 

"Alright," Hermione said as she left with Ron, Ginny and Harry. 

"What should I call him?" Hermione wondered. 

My name is Tobias. 

"Who said that?" Ron asked as they looked around. 

I did, the hawk. 

"I think Malfoy's right, I am delusional," Ron said. 

I really am talking, you're not delusional. 

"How?" Ron asked. 

I'm a human trapped in a hawks body. 

"How?" Ron repeated. 

I'm an Animorph. 

"Ani-what?" Ron asked. 

Animorph. 

"And what's an Animorph?" Harry asked. 

Let's go somewhere else and I'll explain. 

So they went to an ally, on the way they noticed that the Weasley twins had set up a booth for their pranks. 

Once in an ally, Tobias explained what an Animorph was and how he had gotten to be one. 

"Wow," Hermione said when he was done. 

"Let's go to the Leaky Cauldron and wait till we go back to the Burrow to talk more," Harry suggested after they introduced themselves. 

Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione had time for a butterbeer before the Weasleys came back and they went to the Burrow.   
  


After gathering their things, the trio went up to Ron's room. 

"A talking bird. I have now seen everything," Ron said. 

"No, you haven't seen a vampire, or a imp, or a-" Hermione said, and she would have said more but Ron interrupted her. 

"It was just a figure of speech," Ron said. 

Tobias morphed into his human form. 

"Hi," he said. 

"Yikes! Warn me next time, will you?" Ron yelped. 

"Sorry," Tobias apologized. 

"It's okay, you just startled me," Ron replied. 

Tobias shrugged. 

Ron and Harry noticed Hermione was blushing lightly. 

"Looks like Hermione fancies you," Harry teased. 

"Do not," Hermione protested, blushing more. 

"I bet you do," Ron replied. 

"Shove off you two, I don't fancy anyone," Hermione said. 

"What about Vicky-Wicky?" Ron asked. 

"Will you stop!" Hermione said as she got up and left. 

Tobias morphed back into a bird. 

Look at what you did now. 

"It's all Ron's fault," Harry accused. 

Ron shot an angry look at Harry, then smiled, "She fancies you, Tobias." 

Probably doesn't. Who's 'Vicky-Wicky'? Tobias asked, changing the subject. 

"Just a boy who went to a school dance with Hermione," Harry said, "his real name is Victor Krum, but Ron calls him names." 

"It suits him," Ron said. 

Harry laughed. 

Tobais flew out of the window. 

"Stupid bird," Ron muttered. 

"If he's so stupid, how come he can talk?" Harry asked. 

"He was born like that?" Ron suggested. 

"He was born a human," Harry replied. 

Tobias flew back inside. 

Someone knocked on the door, "Bed time, boys!" Mrs Weasley called as she stuck her head in. 

"Alright," Ron replied. 

Mrs. Weasley blew kisses at them both and then left. 

"You can stay here tonight, Tobias, give Hermione some time to herself," Harry said. 

Alright, thanks. Tobias perched on Ron's dresser and closed his eyes. 

Harry and Ron got in their beds and went to sleep.   
  


The next morning was the day before they had to go back to school. 

All throughout the day everyone was packing. 

Tobias helped whenever he could, and, any time there was a free moment, he asked Hermione, Ron, or Harry a question about Hogwarts or the wizard world. 

Do you have a sport? 

Harry was taking a break from packing, his stuff was mostly packed. 

"Yeah, it's called Qudditch. There are seven players, three Chasers, two Beaters, one Keeper, and one Seeker. I'm the Seeker for the Gryffindor team. You should ask Ron about how it's played, if you want to know," Harry answered. 

Alright, I will, Tobias said as he flew off. 

Harry shook his head. He had to admit it was getting annoying. 

"Hey, Harry? Do you have any idea why Tobias is asking about Qudditch?" Ron asked as he entered the room. 

"He just asked me if we had a sport. He's starting to act like the Dursleys, thought not as bad as them," Harry replied. 

Tobias flew back into the room. 

"Now what do you want?" Ron asked, impatiently. 

Just wanted to tell you I'm leaving, I'll be back tomorrow. Tobias told them. 

"Does Hermione know?" Ron asked. 

Yes, I already told her. Tobias answered. 

"Bye." 

"See you tomorrow." 

I'll see you tomorrow if all goes well, Tobias said as he flew out the window. 

"What did he mean, 'if all goes well'?" Harry asked. 

Ron shrugged, "Who cares." 


	3. Hogwarts

Disclaimer: we still don't own any of it. Chapter 3 rewritten 12/2003 by Bunny. (As always, R&R!!) - Bunny   
  


Chapter three- Hogwarts   
  


Tobias flew through the window just as Harry and Ron were getting their bags and trunks. 

Just in time. Tobias said, panting. 

"Yes, we're almost ready to leave," Harry said. 

Tobias flew downstairs to Hermione. 

Within an hour, everyone was in the cars from the Ministry of Magic. 

"Are you excited?" Hermione asked Tobias. 

Not really. 

"I wonder who the new Defense Against Dark Arts teacher is," Ron said. 

"Who knows, who cares? As long as it isn't Snape..." Harry was interrupted by Tobias. 

Tell me more about Hogwash. 

"You mean Hogwarts?" Hermione asked. 

Yeah. 

"Why don't you read 'Hogwarts a History'?" Hermione asked as they pulled up in front of King Cross station. 

Harry couldn't wait until they got back to Hogwarts.   
  


After a while they finally got everything on the train, after they chased Tobias's cage because he freaked out when Hermione jogged into the wall. 

Next time tell me when something like that is going to happen! Tobias yelled. 

"Fine, sorry about that," Hermione said. 

"You did that before when you morphed the first time," Ron said, still a little sore at that. 

Once on the train, they all ordered lots of junk food and they sat there eating. 

Hermione let Tobias out of his cage and let him out the window, so he could fly behind the train. 

"Hermione's has a crush!" Ron teased. 

"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked grumpily. 

"You fancy Tobias," Ron answered. 

"Quit saying that, or I'll never sit with you again," Hermione said. 

"Alright, sorry Hermione," Harry said. 

"Alright," Ron said as grumpy as Hermione had sounded before. 

Suddenly, the compartment door opened and in stepped Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. 

"Malfoy," Ron growled. 

"Hello Weasel," Malfoy said. 

Go away, Paleface! Tobias called, he had been perched on the window frame unnoticed. 

"Who said that?!" Malfoy asked. 

"Who said what?" 

Now, Paleface! 

"There it is again!" 

"I still don't hear anything," Harry said truthfully, trying not to laugh. 

"Never mind," Malfoy said before going away. 

"What was that all about?" Harry wondered. 

"Who knows? Maybe Malfoy is the one who's delusional," Ron suggested. 

I told him to go away. Tobias said. 

"But I didn't hear anything," Harry said. 

I spoke to him in private. 

"You can do that?" Hermione asked. 

Yes, I can. 

"Awesome! So you can tell me if you fancy Hermione with out her knowing about it?" Ron asked. 

Yes. 

"Ron!" Hermione and Tobias responded at the same time. 

"Ron, you said you were going to stop, remember?" Harry asked. 

"Yes, I'll stop now, though," Ron broke off as he looked pleadingly at Tobias. 

No, Ron, I won't. Tobias said to everyone. 

Ron sighed. 

I'll tell you later, though. Tobias said in private. 

"Alright," Ron whispered. 

"What?" Harry asked. 

"Tell you later," Ron answered. 

"Okay," Harry replied.   
  


The rest of the trip went fine, there was a disturbance in the corridor, involving a few student's left shoes, but the trio didn't get involved. 

When they arrived at Hogsmeade Station they got off the train. 

"Firs' years! Firs' years over here!" Hagrid called across the crowd. 

Hagrid waved to Harry, Ron and Hermione as they passed him. 

Where are they going? Tobias asked. 

"They're going on a boat ride. It's marvelous, but only the first years can go," Hermione answered. 

Then I think I'm gonna join them. Tobias said as he flew off. 

"He's enjoying this," Harry said. 

Hermione nodded in agreement. 

They walked into the Great Hall. 

Something felt different about Hogwarts, but Harry wasn't sure what. 

After the sorting, the feast began. 

The room fell silent as the Headless Horseman walked into the Great Hall slowly, his horse fallowing him. 

"Who's that?" Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione. 

"The Defense Against Dark Arts teacher," Hermione suggested. 

"A headless man?" Harry suggested. 

"Sorry I'm late, Albus," the horseman said. "I was trying to find my way here." 

"No problem!" Dumbledore said, standing up. "Students, this is your new Defense Against Dark Arts teacher." 

The Great Hall was silent. 

"How'd he talk? He has no head!" Ron asked. 

The Headless horsemen sat down next to Snape, who didn't look to happy about it. 

"How are you all? I'm Professor Horsemen," the headless man said. 

The Great Hall was silent again for a second, then was filled with whispers as the students started talking about him.   
  


When the feast was over, the Prefects lead their first years to the common rooms. 

"We'll see you tomorrow," Harry said to Hermione as he, Ron, and Tobias went to the dormitory. 

Hermione waved as she went up to the girl's dormitory. 

"So what were you whispering about on the train?" Harry asked. 

"Tobias told me that he'll tell me if he likes Hermione," Ron answered. 

"Ron, I really don't know why you want to know." 

"I don't know either." 

"Just think of our Defense Against Dark Arts classes coming up," Harry said, changing the subject. 

Ron chose not to.   
  


Harry woke up to someone snoring, he pushed aside the bed curtain and looked around. The snoring was coming from Dean's bed. 

"Now I'll never get back to sleep," Harry groaned quietly. 

Harry got up, got his potions book, and went down to the common room. 

Just then the portrait door opened. Snape and a boy came through. 

"Snape?" Harry exclaimed in surprise. 

"Yes, Mr Potter, it is I, Professor Snape. This is Cole Sear, he is now a Gryffindor 5th year." 

"Nice to meet you, I'm Harry Potter." 

Cole looked at Harry and smiled. 

"Nice to meet you too," Cole said. 

"Well, Mr Potter can show you around," Snape said. 

"Yes, Professor," Harry said. 

Snape left the room. 

"It's kind of late, but let's go find you a bed to sleep in." 

Cole followed Harry into the boy's dormitory. There was an extra bed, that hadn't been there before. 

"You can sleep there," Harry said, pointing to the extra. 

Cole nodded and started rooting in a trunk that had appeared with the bed. 

Harry went back down to the common room and started reading his potions book. 

It was quiet, which was unusual for the Gryffindor Common room. 

Just then Cole came down, looking a little frightened. 

"What's wrong?" Harry asked. 

"There's a man messing the trunks up," Cole answered. 

Harry got up and went to look in the dormitory. 

"Peeves, what are you doing?" Harry whispered. 

"Nothing, nothing," Peeves said as he disappeared. 

Cole looked relieved. 'Probably because Peeves is gone,' Harry thought. 

"That was Peeves the poltergeist, he's always trouble," Harry explained. 

Cole nodded, then went to bed. 

Harry went back to the common room and began to read again.   
  


Harry was still reading when Ron came down. 

"Is it just me, or is there an extra bed?" Ron asked Harry. 

"It's just you," Harry replied. 

"Oh, alright," Ron said as he went back up. 

Harry followed him and saw that he went back to bed. 


	4. The Maddness Starts

Disclaimer #2: 1. Harry belongs to J.K. Rowling. 2. Tobias is from Animorphs and belongs to K.A. Applegate. 3. Cole belongs the the people behind the 6th sense. 4. Fabio belongs to Fabio. 5. Buffy belongs to who ever made Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 6. Tatra and Catty belong to us. Done!

  
  


Chapter four- The Madness Starts

  
  


Harry woke up, again, to the words "I can't believe it's not butter!" From Cole.

Harry got dressed, went to the Great Hall to eat breakfast.

Fabio was sitting in Harry's seat.

"I can't believe it's not butter!" Fabio exclaimed.

Tobias flew in and told Ron that he liked Hermione as in like.

Harry sat down and buttered his toast with the butter that Fabio was handing out.

Dumbledore looked younger, and the Headless horseman was chasing Peeves, who was running around with the Headless Horseman's underwear on his head.

"I have a head to put underwear on and you don't!" Peeves shouted in a sing-song voice as he flew out a window.

"I'll get you later!" the Headless Horseman yelled.

Fabio began to dance in a circle of fairies with Hermione.

Ron was riding the Headless Horseman's horse.

"Wheeeeeee!" Ron yelled.

Harry watched in awe, noting that Draco was smashing bananas into his face.

Suddenly Harry got an idea. He rushed up to the dorms and started to look in Dean's trunk. He looked until he saw a video camera. Harry grabbed it, put a new video in, and raced back to the Great Hall.

Harry started recording.

Draco was still smashing bananas on his face. Crabbe and Goyle were doing the Hokey Pokey wile singing the song.

Harry moved the camera over to the teacher's table.

Professor Sprout was doing the Hula of the table. Snape had summoned a huge tub of oatmeal and was taking a bath in it with his clothes on.

Harry moved the camera over the Ravenclaw table.

A bunch of 7th years had summoned some rope and were busy tying plates and bowls on their feet, some times with oatmeal still in the bowls.

Harry turned the camera over to the Hufflepuff table.

Some of the 3rd years were tap dancing, and some of the 5th years were licking the table.

Harry then turned the camera over to the Gryffindors.

Some of the 6th years had taken the Ravenclaw 7th years example and were tying bowls onto their feet, and on their hands too!

Cole was running around yelling, "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Draco had given up on the banana's and was smearing his face on the floor.

Just then Professor Binns came into the Great Hall, wearing his underpants over his pants.

Harry watched him run around, trying not to wiggle the camera too much.

"I'm Super Binns!" Binns yelled as he tried to 'save' McGonagall from the oatmeal that Snape was throwing around.

Crabbe and Goyle gave up doing the Hokey Pokey and were running after Binns.

Then, suddenly, everyone stopped and looked around.

Finally, someone asked, "what happened?"

Harry just stood there, laughing his head off.

"Harry, what happened? Last thing I remember was going to bed last night," Ron said.

"I don't know, has Fabio left yet?" Harry asked.

"Fabio?" Ron asked.

"The butter man." Harry replied, "Who was walking around saying 'I can't believe it's not butter'."

"Oh, I haven't seen him," Ron answered.

"Have you seen Hermione?" Harry asked.

"Why?" Ron asked.

"Because she was with Fabio the last time I saw her," Harry answered.

"Oh, I think I saw her talking with Hagrid, who was stuck under a table, don't asked me why," Ron said.

"Good, I need to ask her something," Harry said.

"Whether she's gonna marry Fabio or Tobias," Ron said.

"Yeah, something like that," Harry said as he started over to where Hermione and Hagrid were.

"Hermione, I need to ask you something," Harry said slowly.

"Okay," Hermione said.

"In private," Harry added.

Hermione nodded and they went away from Hagrid.

"What is it, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"If you had a Muggle video camera, and you wanted to play it back, only you wanted it bigger that a tv screen, could you do it?" Harry asked.

"I think so. I read somewhere that it can be done. You say play back words, tap the video camera with your wand, and the video will appear, sound and all, why?" Hermione answered.

"Can you do it?" Harry asked.

"I think so," Hermione said.

"Good, do it," Harry replied as he handed her the camera, with the tape rewound.

Hermione took the tape, set it up on the Gryffindor table, said 'yalp' and tapped the camera with her wand.

A picture came out of the lense and started playing behind the teacher's table.

The Great Hall went silent as they watched themselves acting like idiots.

No one could believe what they were seeing.

"What kind of trick is this?" Snape demanded, "everyone knows I don't take baths in oatmeal!"

"Can't be too sure of that," Ron whispered to Harry.

Harry laughed.

"At least I know that I wasn't the only one that woke up in a strange position. I went to sleep in my bed, and woke up on that horse that fallows the headless man around," Ron added.

Everyone was silent, staring at each other in awe.

"This is my proof," Harry whispered to Ron.

"Proof of what?" Hermione asked.

"Proof that everyone was acting crazy this morning," Harry answered.

"Except for you," Hermione pointed out.

"Yes, and I didn't see Fred or George either," Harry replied.

"I wonder when it started, I mean, I was fine when I went to sleep last night," Hermione said.

"I think it happened early this morning," Harry said.

"Why?" Ron asked.

"Because you came down to the common room last night, Ron, and asked if there was another bed, or was it just you. I said it was just you, even though it wasn't, and you went back to bed," Harry answered.

Hermione frowned, "you were in the common room last night?"

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep cause someone was snoring," Harry answered.

"I'll be back later, get me my schedule for me? Thanks," Hermione said as she dashed off.

"Alright, what was that about?" Harry asked Ron.

"Who knows, but I'll bet she's headed to the library. Where else would she be going to in such a hurry?" Ron said.

"To meet Tobias?" Harry suggested.

Ron shrugged.

Then they headed toward their first class after getting their schedules.

They met Hermione along the way.

"Where were you?" Ron asked.

"Library," Hermione said, not looking up from the book she was reading.

"Told you," Ron whispered to Harry.

"What did you say?" Hermione asked.

"Nothing, nothing, nothing at all," Ron said,

"Which is exactly what's in you head," Fred said as he and George came up behind them.

"Hey!" Ron exclaimed.

"See you later. Can't be late for class," George said before running in the opposite direction.

"I didn't get a chance to ask them if they knew anything about this morning," Hermione said sadly, now looking up from her book.

"Who cares?" Ron asked, still mad about Fred's insult.

"I do!" Hermione said as they entered Charms class.

Harry sighed and fallowed her, with Ron behind him.

Harry ended up sitting between Hermione and Ron.

Professor Flitwick stood on his pile of books and started his welcome back speech.

Everyone was full of boredom when the speech was over.

"Today we will do a review of last year," Flitwick said as he began to pair them up.

Harry got paired with a new girl.

"I'm Buffy, what's your name?" The new girl asked.

"I'm Harry," Harry said.

"Nice to meet you," Buffy said.

Harry looked over to Ron, who was at the next table.

"So you tap it with you wand, say the spell, and it'll turn green and sour?" The girl who was paired up with Ron asked.

"Yes," Ron replied.

"Why we can't turn it into a peanut?" The girl asked.

"Because, Tatra, we have to get this done so that we can get out of here," Ron answered.

Tatra picked up the apple that they were supposed to turn into a sour apple, tapped it with her wand, and turned it into a green worm.

Harry and Buffy weren't having much luck either.

"Why can't we blow it up? Then there'll be nothing to worry about," Buffy asked.

"Because we, or at least I, need a good grade," Harry replied, trying again to change the apple.

"Why don't you just turn it into a worm like I did?" Tatra asked.

"Because, we're not in Transfiguration class!" Ron replied.

"So?" Tatra asked.

Ron started to bang his head on the table.

"Besides, I asked Harry, not you," Tatra said.

"Well... The answer that Ron gave you is the same one I would have given you," Harry said, looking at Tatra.

When Harry turned back around, he found the apple gone.

"Buffy, where's the apple?" Harry asked, trying to remain calm.

"I blew it up," she replied, pointing to the apple goo on the wall.

Harry started to bang his had on the table like Ron.

Hermione as having some trouble too.

Her partner threw the apple out the window; then said, proudly, "problem solved."

"Catty!" Hermione yelled at her partner.

"What?" Catty asked innocently.

"Professor Flitwick? We need a new apple," Hermione said.

"What happened to the old one?" Flitwick asked.

"Catty through it out the window!" Hermione answered.

"And what happened to you four's apples?" Flitwick asked as he noticed the other's apples missing.

"Buffy blew ours up," Harry answered.

"Here's ours," Tatra replied, holding up the green worm.

"Oh, my," Flitwick gasped as he handed out more apples.

"Let's blow this one up, too," Buffy suggested.

"No!" Harry yelled.

"Just when I got rid of it, it comes back," Catty said as she threw the new apple out the window, too.

Tatra tapped the apple and it turned brown. She poked it and it exploded, luckily Tatra had crouched down so that only her eyes were above the table. Ron, on the other hand, was covered in goo.

"It blew up," Tatra announced.

Buffy threw their apple at Harry.

"What was that for?" Harry asked.

"I can't do it," Buffy complained.

Flitwick came back and gave Ron and Hermione new apples, again, which they took and wouldn't let their partners touch.

"Hermione, you're not being fair," Catty said.

"Well I want to get this done, and you keep throwing it out the window," Hermione replied.

Tatra didn't mind that Ron wouldn't let her touch the apple, she was busy trying to turn the first apple back into an apple, it turned into a shoe and a few other things, but it wouldn't turn into an apple.

Catty grabbed a handful of Tatra's apple goo and threw it at Hermione.

"What was that for?" Hermione asked.

"That was for being unfair," Catty answered.

Tatra had given up trying to turn the worm into an apple and was scooping up apple goo and putting it in a bag. Ron was okay with it, except for when Tatra tried to get the apple goo off him.

"Ron! Hold still!" Tatra yelled.

"Get off me!" Ron yelled back louder.

"No!" Tatra yelled even louder than Ron.

"Shut up both of you," Buffy interrupted.

Tatra gave up trying to get the apple goo off Ron and started scooping up Buffy's apple goo that was on the wall.

"Yummy, yummy in my tummy," Catty sang as she began helping Tatra.

Tatra got on her hands and knees and started crawling to the front of the room.

When Tatra reached Flitwick's desk, she took ten apples and went back to Catty.

Then she and Catty started blowing up the apples. Every time they blew up an apple, Tatra put all the goo in the plastic bag.

"What are you two doing?" Buffy asked.

Before Catty or Tatra could reply, Buffy said, "never mind, I don't even want to know."

"I'll tell you any way, we're making apple goo!" Tatra said.

  
  


When the class was over, Hermione was the only one in the trio who had turned her completely sour. Harry's was sour in some parts, and Ron's was too sour because of Tatra trying to get the goo of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks to all who reviewed, which was no one, so thanks to all who read the first three chapters.


	5. Potions Class

AN: Thank you to 'The-females-will-soon-take-over-SGC' for reviewing chapter 3, and thank you to Kylie and kirby-emma (I gotta talk to gummy about the editing... But we'll let you know soon!)for reviewing chapter 4. - bunny

  
  


Chapter five- Potions class

  
  


"What do we have next? What do we have next?" Tatra asked as she hopped up and down.

Harry looked at his schedule and groaned.. "Next is double potions with Slytherin."

"Goody, goody gumdrops!" Tatra yelled as she hopped away in the wrong direction.

Catty fallowed, bouncing even higher and faster.

Tatra started hopping farther.

"Hey! You're going the wrong way!" Buffy yelled as she ran after them.

Ron, Harry, and Hermione started down to potions class.

Potions class was just about to start when Buffy, Tatra and Catty came in.

"Well look who showed up, you're almost late," Snape said.

"Excuse us, your greasiness," Tatra replied.

"You really should wash more often," Catty commented, "it's just not healthy."

"Though street rats used to think that washing was unhealthy, are you a street rat?" Tatra asked.

The whole class stared in awe at Tatra and Catty insulting Snape.

"Fifty points-" Snape started to say, but got interrupted by Tatra.

"Fifty points to Gryffindor, thank you!" Tatra said.

"One hundred points-" Snape got interrupted by Catty this time.

"One hundred points to Gryffindor, thank you!" Catty said.

"Just sit down!" Snape said.

Tatra sat behind Draco.

"Psssssst!" She whispered to Draco.

"What?" Draco asked.

"Here, we're supposed to use this in the potion," Tatra said as she handed him the bag of apple goo.

"You'll thank us later," Catty agreed.

"Alright," Draco said.

Then Tatra started to chant under her breath, "kitties, kitties, kitties..."

Catty joined in, and with each 'Kitties,' they got louder.

Finally they were shouting.

"Stop it! Forty points from-" Snape started to yell, but got interrupted.

"Forty points from Slytherin," Tatra gasped, "but that's your own house!"

Tatra then started chanting again.

"They are crazy!" Harry whispered to Ron.

"You said it," Ron whispered back.

"Miss..." Snape trailed off.

"Bulstrode," Tatra supplied.

"Detention, miss Bulstrode," Snape snapped.

"Lucky Millicent," Tatra whispered to Catty.

Catty laughed, "Professor Snape, you are just too funny for me," Catty said.

"What is your name?" Snape asked.

"Parkinson," Catty answered.

"Detention miss Parkinson," Snape said.

"Poor Pansy, detention with Snape," Tatra whispered to Catty.

"He'd be cuter if he bathed more often," Catty said loudly to Tatra.

"Really he would," Tatra agreed.

Then Catty shook her head sadly.

Snape started to list the ingredients.

"Where's the stove?" Tatra whispered to Catty.

"You were lying, we don't need goo," Draco whispered to Tatra.

"I wasn't lying, he just didn't tell everyone cause he only wants Slytherins' to know," Tatra said.

"Okay," Draco said, doubtfully.

Tatra tapped her cauldron and it turned into a portable CD player.

"Does anyone have a good CD?" Tatra asked.

"Here," Catty said as she handed Tatra an ATC CD.

"Thank you," Tatra said as she put the CD in and started listening.

After one song, Tatra raised her hand. "Severus-poo! I need a new cauldron."

"She seems to have Transfigured her old one," Catty commented.

"What can I say, Transfiguration is my best subject," Tatra said before starting to sing.

Snape gave Tatra a new cauldron.

"Uh oh," Tatra said after a while.

"What is it?" Snape asked.

"My brain melted," Tatra announced.

"That's ok, mine's been melted for some time now," Catty said.

"But I can't do any work until it's frozen again," Tatra said.

"Then sit still and be quiet," Snape said.

Tatra turned up the sound on the CD player and started singing loudly.

Soon Catty joined Tatra

"Would you stop that infernal racket?" Snape asked.

"Okay, Severus-poo," Tatra said as she started humming instead.

Catty got up and began walking around the room, pretending to be Snape. However, Catty criticized the Slytherins' and told the Gryffindors that they were 'Doing great,' and to 'Keep up the good work.'

"Don't you have a potion to make?" Snape asked, annoyed.

"I don't know, do I?" Catty asked.

"Severus-poo! When do we add the sneakers?" Tatra asked.

"Sneakers? I didn't know we had to add sneakers," the class whispered.

"Yeah, class, add the sneakers... Now!" Catty said, "then the apple goo. Then the class is dismissed!"

Neville raised his hand.

"Yes? Oh and you can call me Professor Snapey-poo," Catty said.

"Professor, er, Snapey-poo, I don't have any sneakers," Neville said.

"Tatra, would you be so kind as to give out sneakers?" Catty asked.

"Certainly, who needs sneakers?!" Tatra yelled.

Everyone raised their hands.

Snape stood and watched, looking horrified.

"What is the matter with you girls!" Snape yelled.

"What's the matter with us? What's the matter with you?" Tatra asked as she turned a piece of parchment into a sneaker.

"Sit down and be quiet!" Snape commanded.

"After you," Catty said politely.

"Ladies first," Snape said.

"No, no we insist," Tatra said.

"You first," Catty said.

"ENOUGH!" Snape yelled after a few more minutes of arguing.

"I agree, that is enough sneakers," Tatra said.

"Yes, more than enough," Catty agreed.

"You two are going to see the Headmaster," Snape said.

"Goody! A field trip! Does everyone have their lunches? Good, let's go!" Tatra said as she and Catty left the classroom, expecting the kids to come with them.

No one fallowed them though. Catty and Tatra danced around the school, talking and laughing loudly.

They finally ended up back in the potions class room. Snape had made everyone start over.

"Honey, we're home!" Tatra announced.

"Don't be so boring, Professor Snape. No one will pay attention to your lessons. You have to make things interesting like we did," Catty said.

"Are you two ready to do you potions?" Snape asked.

"Maybe," Tatra said with a leer.

Tatra went over to Catty's desk and sat down.

Catty sat down next to Draco and put her arm around him. Then she said, "he's such a cutie pie."

Tatra dumped out Catty's potion and started adding ingredients.

"Make something good," Catty said to Tatra.

"I will," Tatra said with a grin.

Tatra then turned a jar of beetle eyes into something that looked like peas. She put the green things into the cauldron.

Catty plucked a single hair from Draco's head.

"Ow!" Draco yelled.

"That was for good luck," Catty said, throwing the strand of hair onto the floor.

"Luck! I don't need good luck, potions is my best subject!" Draco said.

"Lunch is my best subject," Catty announced.

Just then Tatra started chanting 'kitties' under her breath.

"You do know that potions is only you're best subject cause Snape favors the Slytherins, right?" Catty asked loudly.

The whole classed gasped, including Catty.

"That's not true! Take it back!" Draco yelled as he stood up.

"Is to," Catty said as she stood up as well.

"Is not," Draco replied.

"Is to."

"Is not."

"Is to."

"Is not."

"Is not."

"Is to. Wait I mean-" Draco got interrupted.

"You admitted it! It's too late to take it back!" Catty cried triumphantly.

"Is not!" Draco yelled as Catty plucked another strand of hair from his head.

Then Catty said, "you need luck on winning this argument."

Then, before Draco could say 'do not!', Catty kissed him on the cheek.

Tatra stood up as said, " we've got a lucky winner!" In her best announcers voice.

"Would you three quit it?" Snape asked.

"Quit what? Potions class? But then I wouldn't be able to see you, Severus-poo," Tatra said with a pout.

"Stop causing trouble!" Snape yelled.

Catty plucked another strand of hair from Draco's head, then said, "that was just for the heck of it."

Tatra raised her hand, "if wizards use quills instead of pens and parchment instead of paper, what do you use instead of scissors?"

Catty shrugged before plucking another hair from Draco's head.

"Now what was that for?" Draco asked angrily.

"For luck that you'll live a long life," Catty replied.

"Professor, can I have a new seat?" Draco asked.

"I don't know, can you?" Tatra asked.

"Professor!" Draco whined.

"Don't whine, it makes you sound like a baby," Catty said.

"I'm not whining. I'm going to tell my father about you, and he's going to have you locked up in St. Mungos," Draco said.

"Big whoop," Catty said.

"My father-" Draco got interrupted.

"Is a Death Eater," Tatra said, not looking up from the cauldron.

"Who can't do anything to me or Tatra," Catty continued.

"My father-" Draco started again.

"Doesn't scare us," Tatra interrupted again.

The whole class watched in awe.

"Has everyone finished with their potions?" Snape asked.

There were a few 'yes's and 'almost's from the class.

"If you call it a potion, then mine's finished," Tatra said.

Snape went around testing potions.

He came over to Tatra's cauldron, picked up the spoon and let the liquid drip back into the cauldron.

"What is this?" Snape demanded.

"Stew," Tatra answered as she turned a quill into a ladle.

Harry and Ron looked at each other in awe. Finally Ron asked, "what's the matter with them?"

"They're crazy!" Hermione cut in.

"I agree, Draco and Snape are crazy," Catty said from behind them.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione turned around and looked at her.

"How did you get from over there," Harry asked as he pointed to Draco, "to over here?"

"Magic," Catty laughed.

None of them could tell if she was serious.

Tatra put some stew in a bowl and gave it to Harry.

"Er. Thank you," Harry said.

"You're welcome," Tatra said as she sat down next to Catty.

"Eat it," Catty commanded.

"Now," Tatra added.

Harry picked up the spoon and took a sip.

"How is it? If you say terrible I'm gonna beat you up," Tatra said.

"It's good, but weren't you supposed to make a potion?" Harry asked.

"Severus-poo wasn't making one," Tatra answered.

"Er, if you say so," Harry said.

"Hey Catty, I have an idea!" Tatra yelled.

"What is it!" Catty yelled back.

"Tell you later!" Tatra yelled.

"Okay!" Catty yelled even louder than she had before.

"Would you stop shouting, please?" Hermione asked.

"She said the magic word!" Tatra yelled even louder then Catty.

"So should we stop?" Catty yelled louder than Tatra.

"I don't know, should we?" Tatra yelled louder than Catty.

"Sure, why not?" Catty whispered.

"Okay," Tatra whispered so that only Ron, Hermione, Harry, and Catty could hear.

Hermione sighed.

"So now what are we going to talk about?" Tatra whispered so that only Catty could hear her.

Before Catty could answer though, the class was over.


	6. A Petition and Herbology

A/N: we don't own nothing but Catty and Tatra, and Nicki owns Nicki!

  
  


Chapter six- A Petition and Herbology

  
  


"What next! What next!" Tatra whispered as they left the classroom.

"What did you say?" Harry asked as he stopped.

Tatra leaned in close to Harry's ear and yelled, "What next! What next!"

"Ow! That hurt!" Harry yelled, rubbing his ear.

Catty and Tatra rubbed their ears after yelling "ow!"

"Stop!" Harry yelled.

"Stop!" Catty and Tatra yelled even louder.

"Hermione, make them stop," Harry whined.

"Hermione, make them stop!" Tatra and Catty yelled.

"Will you two please stop?" Hermione asked.

Tatra and Catty looked at Harry waiting for him to answer so they could repeat what he was saying.

"Please?" Harry pleaded.

"Please!" Catty and Tatra yelled.

Then Harry got an idea, "I will stop repeating what Harry says."

"I will not stop repeating what Harry says!" Tatra and Catty yelled.

"Come on, I'm hungry," Ron said as he pulled Harry and Hermione towards the Great Hall.

Tatra and Catty fallowed them, hopping up and down.

"What are we doing next?!" Tatra asked.

"We're eating lunch," Harry answered, thinking that they were done repeating him.

"We're eating lunch!" Tatra and Catty yelled.

"Er," Harry grumbled.

"ER!" Tatra and Catty yelled.

"Stupid crazy girls," Harry mumbled.

"Stupid crazy Harry!" Tatra and Catty yelled.

"Looks like you have a problem, Potter," Draco said, coming up behind them.

"Looks like you have a problem, Malfoy!" Tatra and Catty yelled.

Catty plucked another stand of hair from Draco's head.

"What was that for?" Draco yelped.

"What was that for!" Tatra yelled.

"For good luck at opening the doors after we wedge them shut," Catty said as they shut the doors.

They took the Slytherin table and put it against the doors. Then they sat down.

"You can't do that!" Draco yelled.

"You can't do that!" Tatra yelled back.

"We just did," Catty replied simply.

All the Slytherins were trying unsuccessfully to move the table away from the door, they didn't, of course, use magic to move it.

"The Slytherin's are a bunch of weaklings!" Catty laughed.

"They should rename the house to Weaklings, hehe," Tatra said.

Catty laughed in agreement.

"Let's make a petition; Change Slytherin's Name To Weaklings," Tatra suggested.

"Let's go tell Dumbledore," Catty said.

"Yes, care to come?" Tatra asked Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

"No, thank you," Harry answered.

"Alright, suit yourselves," Tatra said as she and Catty marched up to the teachers table.

"Those girls need help badly!" Hermione said after Tatra and Catty had left.

Harry and Ron nodded in agreement.

"Hey Professor Dumbledore, we need a word with you!" Tatra yelled.

"Yes?" Dumbledore asked.

"We would like to change the Slytherin's name to Weaklings," Catty said.

"And if you don't agree, we will form a petition," Tatra added.

Catty nodded.

"I'm sorry, but I can't change the name. It's been a Hogwarts tradition, like the sorting ceremony," Dumbledore said.

"Fine, let's go start the petition, Catty," Tatra said.

"Even if you start a petition, I still can't change it," Dumbledore said.

"Just wait and see, you'll change it," Tatra said over her shoulder.

The two girls went back to the Gryffindor table and started writing on a piece of parchment. Then they went over to the Slytherin's table and started giving out brownies if they signed the parchment.

"What's this all about?" Draco asked as he signed his name and house.

"It's for a free trip to Disney Land," Catty said.

"Disney Land? What's that?" Draco asked.

"It's a Muggle place that's really fun, even more fun that watching the World Cup in the best seats," Tatra answered.

"Woah! Count me in!" One of the Slytherins said.

"Alright," Tatra said as she took the parchment over to him.

"When lunch was over they had gotten all of the Slytherins to sign the parchment, and some of the Ravenclaws.

"That was a good haul," Tatra said.

"I really can't believe you two," Harry said.

"We can't believe ourselves too," Tatra replied.

Catty nodded in agreement.

"Next is Herbology with the Hufflepuffs," Hermione said.

"Oh, goody, goody gumdrops!" Catty and Tatra said as they hopped away in the wrong direction.

"I'll go get them, again," Buffy, who had been walking behind them, sighed as she ran after Catty and Tatra.

Ron, Harry and Hermione sighed and started out for the greenhouse.

Harry didn't know how they did it, but Catty and Tatra beat them there. Buffy, however was ten minutes late.

"I chased them almost all around Hogwarts. I lost them after they went into the Ravenclaw common room, don't ask me what they were doing," Buffy told them.

"I'll tell you what we were doing, we were leaving our petition with our friend Nicki," Tatra said.

Buffy looked annoyed.

"Who's Nicki?" Ron asked.

"She's the girl with all the kitties," Catty said.

When Catty mentioned kitties Tatra started chanting, "kitties, kitties, kitties..."

Then Catty joined her.

"What's with them and kitties?" Ron muttered to Harry.

"I don't know," Harry muttered back.

Just then Tatra broke off chanting and started to sing, "the kisses of the sun were sweet, I didn't blink, I let it in my eyes, like an exotic drink, the radio playing songs, that I have never heard..."

Catty began singing the chorus very loudly and off-key on purpose.

"I don't know what to say, oh not another word, just Lalalalala, it goes around the world, just Lalalalala, and everybody's singing, Lalalalala, and now the bell is ringing..." Tatra sung.

"What is that song that they're singing?" Ron asked Hermione as Tatra started singing lots of 'la's.

"Some Muggle song," Hermione answered.

"Two crazy girls," Harry said, shaking his head, "some people I tell you."

"This is going to be the strangest year at Hogwarts," Ron said.

Suddenly Tatra broke off singing, Catty kept singing even more off-key than when she started.

"Oh no! It sprouted wings!" Tatra yelled.

Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Buffy watched as Tatra's plant flew around the greenhouse.

Catty laughed hysterically.

Professor Sprout made the wings disappear.

"Who's plant is this?" She asked.

"Mine!" Tatra said as she hopped so high that her fingers touched the greenhouses ceiling.

"That's so funny!" Catty said.

Professor Sprout gave Tatra her plant back when she came down from the ceiling.

"Some people I tell ya," Buffy said, rolling her eyes.

"I can do that!" Tatra said as she rolled her eyes.

"Me too!" Catty said, rolling her eyes.

Then Tatra took her eyes out of her sockets and rolled them across the floor. Then she picked them up and put them back in her sockets.

So did Catty.

Hermione screamed!

"I can do that!" Tatra said and then screamed.

Catty screamed.

"What's going on here?" Professor Sprout asked.

"Hermione started it," Tatra accused.

"Well I'm telling you to stop it. All of you," Professor Sprout said.

So Catty put her eyes back in.

"I didn't start it, you started it!" Hermione hissed.

Tatra gasped. "The great student, Hermione, whispering in class, I'm disappointed in you."

"Because of that, you failed this class. Too bad," Catty said sadly.

"Failed! For doing what every kid does?" Hermione said.

"Sadly, yes," Tatra replied.

Catty nodded sadly, and pretending to cry. Then she said, "I'll miss you Hermione! Write to us to let us know how you are. Good bye!"

Hermione looked horrified.

Tatra tapped her plant with her wand and it grew bigger. She tapped it again and it grew wings.

Catty helped the stunned Hermione onto the plant and then slapped the plant, which flew out of the door that Tatra was conveniently holding open.

"Where's she going?!" Ron asked.

Catty shrugged and laughed.

"She's going to Tokyo," Tatra said.

Catty laughed even harder.

"Why is she going to Tokyo?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Catty answered.

"Where is Tokyo?" Ron asked.

"It's in Japan," Tatra answered.

"Where's that?" Ron asked.

"On Earth," Tatra replied.

"Where on Earth?" Ron asked.

"I don't know, go look at a globe," Tatra replied.

"A what?" Ron asked.

"A globe," Catty replied.

"Ear lobe?" Ron asked.

Catty pulled a globe out of Ron's ear, then said, "oh, look! Here's one!"

"What? Where'd that come from?" Ron asked, looking at the globe.

"It's magic," Catty said in a spooky voice.

"Is not, it came from your ear, remember?" Tatra asked.

Harry snickered.

"Smile," Tatra said as she pushed Harry's lips up.

"Ah!" Harry yelled.

"Ah!" Tatra yelled.

"Ah!" Catty yelled.

"Now what is going on?" Professor Sprout asked.

"Nothing," Tatra, who had stopped pushing Harry's lips up when she screamed, said.

"Who started it this time?" Sprout asked.

"Harry started it," Catty answered.

"Five points from Gryffindor for disrupting the class. By the way, where is miss Granger?" Professor Sprout asked.

"She's on her way to Tokyo," Tatra said with a grin.

"She went to the bathroom," Harry said at the same time as Tatra.

"Alright, tell her next time to tell me first," Professor Sprout said as she left.

"Harry, because you disrupted the class, we are forced to fail you," Catty said.

"Fail me?" Harry asked dumbly.

"Yes, fail you," Catty replied.

Tatra tapped Catty's plant twice so it grew bigger and sprouted wings, then she and Catty helped Harry onto it. The plant rapped a vine around Harry's waist and took off.

"Your plant is very smart," Tatra remarked.

"Of course, it takes after me," Catty said.

"Where'd Harry go?" Ron, who wasn't watching, asked.

"To Russia," Tatra answered.

"Time to check the globe," Catty announced, pointing to Russia on the globe.

"Why's Harry going there?" Ron asked.

"Because he wants to," Tatra replied.

"Oh?" Ron said, confused.

"Yes," Catty said as she poured a bucket of water on Ron's plant.

"Hey!" Ron yelled when he noticed that Catty had drowned his plant.

"Hahaha!" Catty laughed, then she yelled, "whoosh!"

"What a funny sound!" Tatra laughed.

"Whoosh!"

"Whoosh!" Tatra and Catty shouted as they ran around the greenhouse.

"Ah!" Ron yelled.

"Ah!"

"Ah!" Catty and Tatra yelled.

"What is going on? First miss Granger, then Mr Potter, and now you, Mr Weasley. Ten points from Gryffindor," Professor Sprout said.

"Sorry," Ron said.

"You failed, Ron," Catty said when Professor Sprout left.

"What for?" Ron asked.

"What for! What for! Did you hear him, talking back to his elders!" Catty said.

Tatra tapped Hermione's plant twice so that it grew bigger and sprouted wings. Then she and Catty helped Ron onto it.

Hermione's plant took off.

"Where's he going?" Buffy asked.

"Jamaica," Catty replied.

"Now? But we're in class right now!" Buffy said.

"I don't know what came over him," Tatra said as she shook her head.

"He just stopped listening I suppose," Catty said, agreeing.

"And I thought that Harry and his friends worked hard at their school work," Buffy said.

"Oh, you don't know them at all," Tatra said.

"And you do?" Buffy asked.

"So well it'd scare you," Catty said.

"We even know what brand of underwear they wear," Tatra said.

"What brand?" Buffy asked, challenging them.

"Hanes, and let's just leave it at that," Tatra answered.

Catty laughed hysterically.

Tatra and Catty went on sending students around the world, until class was over. Tatra and Catty were the only ones left. Even Professor Sprout and Buffy were gone.


	7. Snape Gets His Hair Washed

A/N: sorry I took so long, I was really lazy XD. Nicki owns herself! And if you want another story to read, 'nother crazy one, you should read Getting to Know Malfoy, by me(Bunny). The story id is 1598770 (since FFN doesn't have links in stories, all you do is copy and past it into the address bar, after deleting the current story id, or you could search for Tatramegami). Don't forget to review both the stories! - Bunny   
  


Chapter seven- Snape Gets His Hair Washed   
  


Tatra and Catty went to the entrance to Hogwarts, there they found Snape. 

"Well, well, is the class over, or were you just kicked out?" Snape asked. 

"Class is over, Severus-poo," Tatra said. 

"Is Professor Sprout still there?" Snape asked. 

"I think so," Tatra said. 

Snape didn't say anything more, he just started walking towards the green house. 

"You're welcome!" Tatra shouted at him. 

"Very welcome!" Catty yelled. 

Snape was still silent. 

Tatra shrugged and she and Catty went in. 

"Have you seen Ron?" Ginny asked. 

"He went to Jamaica," Catty answered. 

"Have you seen Harry, then?" Ginny asked. 

"Didn't he go to Russia?" Tatra asked. 

"I believe so," Catty answered. 

"Hermione?" Ginny asked. 

"Tokyo," Catty answered. 

"Why'd they leave?" Ginny asked. 

"They all failed Herbology. So we had to send them away," Catty replied. 

"I'm not even going to ask," Ginny said, walking away. 

"Okay!" Tatra yelled. 

"Come back soon!" Catty yelled. 

"Yeah, come back and we'll send you to America!" Tatra yelled. 

Ginny ran away faster, and muttered, "weirdos." 

"I think we should go after her, don't you, Tatra?" Catty asked. 

"Yes I think she'd enjoy America, especially New Jersey," Tatra replied. 

"What shall we send her off on?" Catty asked as they started walking after Ginny. 

"I have a lovely quill that would enjoy the ride," Tatra answered, taking the quill out. 

Tatra tapped the quill once and it grew bigger. 

The quill started to fly beside Tatra. Ginny screamed as she threw her books and began to run. 

Soon Catty and Tatra lost her. 

"Aw, nuts!" Catty complained. 

"We'll find her later," Tatra said. 

"Then we'll send her to New Jersey in the USA," Catty added. 

Tatra tapped the quill and it shrank, but it still floated beside her. 

Catty put it in her bag, then they hopped off to the Great Hall for dinner. 

They met up with Nicki at the Great Hall doors. 

"Hello," Tatra said. 

"I got all of the Ravenclaws to sign," Nicki said as they hopped over to the Gryffindor table. 

"So now who should we send off?" Tatra asked. 

"Look! It's Ginny! Let's send her off!" Catty yelled. 

So Catty, Nicki, and Tatra began chasing Ginny again. 

Ginny bumped into Draco. 

"Watch where you're going," Draco said, grumpily. 

"Hey! There's Draco, let's send him to Canada!" Tatra said as she tapped an owl feather with her wand. 

Soon Draco was flying away and Catty, Nicki and Tatra were laughing hysterically. 

"Let's go collect some more names for our petition," Tatra said as she hopped over to the Hufflepuff table. 

"Yeah!" Nicki said as she hopped faster Tatra. 

Catty followed and began singing Barney songs, loudly. 

"Hello, would you be interested in signing this petition?" Tatra asked a Hufflepuff second year. 

The second year signed and then Tatra and Catty sent her to Korea. 

"We did this with the fifth year Hufflepuffs and the Gryffindors," Tatra said to Nicki, "we got them to sign our petition, and then we sent them off." 

They had just gotten another Hufflepuff second year to sign, when Snape stormed in. 

"Where's everyone in Herbology? I looked in the greenhouse and no one was there!" Snape said. 

"Who ya looking for?" Tatra asked. 

"Professor Sprout," Snape said. 

"Oh, she went to Asia, Severus-poo," Tatra said as she batted her eyes at Snape. 

"What?!" Snape yelled. 

"ASIA," Catty said, slowly and loudly. 

"What for?!" He asked. 

"She was expelled for disrupting our class," Tatra said. 

"And what class was this?" Snape asked. 

"Herbology," Tatra said as she inspected Snape's hair. 

"You don't teach Herbology," Snape said. 

"We do now," Catty replied. 

"You need a shower," Tatra commented. 

"I do?" Snape asked. 

"Yes," Tatra said as she snapped her fingers. 

Just then it started to rain through the ceiling in the Great Hall. 

"He got the urge!" Catty yelled as she began washing Snape's hair. 

"Natural botanical! He's got the urge to Herbal!" Tatra said as she added more shampoo. 

It had now stopped raining. 

"What are you doing?" Snape asked. 

"Washing your hair, what does it look like?" Tatra replied. 

"I really don't want to know. I just don't want to know." Snape said. 

When they were done soaping Snape's hair, Tatra snapped her fingers and it started raining again. 

"Now what are you doing?!" Snape asked. 

"Rinsing!" Catty replied. 

When they were done rinsing Snape's hair it was no longer greasy. 

Just then McGonagall came in. 

"Have you seen Professor Snape?" McGonagall asked. 

"Nope, haven't seen him at all, Minerva-chan," Tatra said as she and Catty clamped their hands over Snape's mouth. 

"Well if you see him, please tell him that I wish to speak to him McGonagall said. 

Catty and Tatra nodded. Then they made Snape nod too. 

After McGonagall left, Tatra and Catty burst out laughing. 

"It's not funny," Snape said. 

Tatra took Snape's hand and put it on his head. 

"Feel that?" Tatra asked, "that's clean hair." 

"I feel no difference," Snape said. 

"Again?" Catty asked. 

"Again," Tatra replied. 

So they washed his hair again. 

"Now do you feel a difference?" Tatra asked. 

"Yes," Snape said. 

Then he got up and ran away. 

"Come back here! Stupidify!" Tatra yelled. 

Snape fell over. 

Tatra took a spoon, made it grow bigger, then they put Snape on it and it flew off. 

McGonagall came back after Snape left. 

"Where's Professor Snape? I heard his voice, but he's not here," McGonagall asked. 

"He went to Cuba, he said to tell you that it's in the boys bathroom," Tatra said. 

"What?!" McGonagall exclaimed. 

"Cuba," Catty said loudly. 

Then she spelled it and gave the definition. Then, once more, she said, "Cuba." 

"And the part about the boys bathroom?" 

"I don't know, he just told us to tell you. Why don't you ask Snape himself?" Tatra asked. 

"I can't! He's in Cuba!" McGonagall said. 

"Is that right," Tatra said. 

Catty was laughing. 

"Do you know anything about the boy's bathroom?" McGonagall asked. 

"Yes, it's much more plainer than the girls," Catty answered. 

McGonagall sighed. 

"Trust me, I know," Catty said in a scary voice. 

McGonagall went away, and didn't come back. 

"Darn. She went to fast. Now we cant send her to Africa," Catty said. 

"Don't worry, we'll get her later. Tomorrow we have Transfiguration," Tatra said with an evil grin. 

Two horns appeared on her head and she suddenly had a tail and a pitchfork. 

Catty laughed hysterically as she sat at the table to eat. 

"You can eat, I'm gonna go talk to Dumbledore-san," Tatra said, her horns and tail disappearing as suddenly as they appeared. 

Tatra still had the pitchfork though. 

Catty took the pitchfork and began poking her meat with it. 

"Hey! I need that to talk to Dulmbledore! Though it would be neat to have blood on it," Tatra said as she took the pitchfork back. 

Then Tatra left to talk to Dumbledore.   
  


When Tatra got to the statue of the Gargoyle she had thought of what she wanted to talk to Dumbledore about. 

"Cotton Candy," Tatra said. 

The gargoyle sprang to the side. 

Tatra went up the stairs and into Dumbledore's office. 

"Konnichi wa, I came here to talk about something," Tatra said. 

"Yes?" Dumbledore asked, not at all surprised that she had figured out the password. 

"I've decided to make a petition to get rid of robes," Tatra said. 

"So you've decided to stop you first petition?" Dumbledore inquired. 

"Did I say that?" Tatra asked, confused. 

"No. Are you planning on running around naked?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Did I say that?" Tatra asked sarcastically. 

"No," he replied. 

"Well, we're not giving up on our other petition, and I'm gonna wear clothes," Tatra said. 

Dumbledore sighed, "alright, do what you want." 

Tatra poked him with her pitchfork. 

"OUT!" Dumbledore yelled. 

"Fine," Tatra said as she poked him again. 

Then she left. 


	8. Missing Students and Smarty Pants

A/N: here's chapter eight..... No disclaimer, you can go look at another chapter. 

Chapter eight   
  
  
  


It was the next day. 

"That was the funnest night of my life," Nicki said. 

Tatra and Catty had invited Nicki to sleep in the Gryffindor's dorm. 

"Yes, can't wait for Harry to confront Hermione with the note," Tatra said. 

They had written a note pretending to be Hermione saying that Hermione loved Harry, and left it on Harry's bed. 

Catty couldn't stop giggling. 

"Lets go student watching," Tatra said as she got out some binoculars. 

She handed two of the binoculars to Catty and Nicki. 

"Ok!" Catty yelled. 

Tatra put on dark green and brown clothes and they left to go student watching. 

Tatra went up to Ginny and started looking at her through the binoculars. 

"What are you doing?" Ginny asked. 

"Nothing," Tatra said innocently. 

Before Ginny knew it she was on her way to Alaska. 

"Lets go watch someone else," Tatra said as she hopped off. 

"Hey look! There's Cho!" Nicki yelled. 

The three girls circled Cho. 

"What do you three want?" Cho asked. 

"Nothing," Tatra replied. 

The next thing Cho knew she was on her way to Egypt. 

"This is fun!" Catty said with a laugh. "I wonder how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsi pop." 

"Let's find out," Tatra said as she held up a Tootsi pop, "one, two, three," Chomp! 

"Who many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsi pop? The world may never know," Nicki said. 

Meanwhile, Catty was counting every lick she took of the Tootsi pop. 

"Sixty-seven, sixty-ten, sixty-twenty," Tatra counted, trying to mess Catty up. 

With a wave of Catty's wand she made Tatra's voice disappear. The voice disappeared and reappeared somewhere else, scaring some Slytherin Seventh years. 

"Sixty-thirty-one," the voice counted. 

Catty made herself invisible. 

"Seventy-eighteen," Tatra counted as she turned invisible too. 

Soon Catty was visible again and done the lollipop. 

"So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsi pop?" Nicki asked. 

"340,612,865,910," Catty said all in one breath. 

"Wow," Tatra said, of course they couldn't hear, or see, her. 

"You should stay this way. It's nice and quiet," Catty remarked. 

"I'll turn you into a frog if you don't get me back to normal!" Tatra said. 

"Did you say something? I can't hear you," Catty said as she made Tatra's voice appear again. 

"I said, I'll turn you into a frog for your birthday if you like," Tatra answered. 

"I think you'd look better in green, though," Catty said. 

"Yes, but it's your birthday coming up," Tatra replied. 

"She's right you know," Nicki said. 

"I'll give it back." 

"Give my wonderful gift back? Never! I won't allow it," Tatra said. 

"Well then I'll send it to Harry Potter." 

"And I'll tell him to give it back to you for Christmas." 

"He won't listen." 

"I'll tell Hermione to tell Ron to tell Harry to give it back." 

"Shut up, you're annoying me," Catty said. 

"After you," Tatra said as she flicked her wand, turning a statue into a pig. "Would you like a pig?" 

"Nope," Catty replied. 

"Alright, then I'll give it to the second prize winner in the lottery," Tatra said as she turned another statue into a cage. 

Tatra put the pig into the cage. 

"And I thought that I was crazy," Catty muttered. 

"Lets go make the slips," Tatra said as she picked up the pig's cage. 

"No one wants a pig, Tatra," Catty said, "no one but you. Besides, there's no one left here to win it but us." 

"Oh. I guess I'll keep him and name him Merlin," Tatra said. 

"Okay, you do that." 

"I'll be the most popular girl in the school." Tatra said as she turned the cage into a leash and collar. 

"You'll be one of the only girls in the school," Catty pointed out. 

"Yes, I will," Tatra said as she got on her hands and knees an hugged Merlin. 

"Hey! There is something coming!" One of the last remaining kids yelled. 

"Oh goody! Lets see what it is!" Catty exclaimed. 

"Yes, maybe it's a giant fly," Tatra said. 

"Maybe it's Harry and everyone else we sent away." 

"Or maybe it's a flying squid!" 

"Let's go find out, the suspense is killing me." 

"I'll save you!" Tatra said as she started to smack Catty all over. 

Catty disappeared. 

"Hey!" Tatra said as she disappeared too. 

She reappeared on the very top of the tallest tower in Hogwarts. 

"Hi Catty!" Tatra yelled to Catty, who was on the ground. 

"Hi Tatra!" Catty yelled back. 

Tatra let go of the tower and dropped down. She started screaming and flailing about. A foot above ground she put her hells back and stopped. Then she just dropped onto the ground. 

"I'm alright," Tatra announced. 

"Oh, that's too bad," Catty said. 

"Yes it is, if I was hurt then maybe people would send me cheese," Tatra said. 

Catty shook her head, then danced around the castle. 

"I can see it!" Tatra yelled. 

"What! From here!" Dumbledore exclaimed. 

"Yes," Tatra said as she turned towards the teachers. 

Her eyes were huge, ten times bigger than they usually were. 

"What is it?" Dumbledore asked after he had gotten over the shock. 

"It's Hermioninny," Tatra said as her eyes slowly reduced. 

"Go away!" Catty yelled to Hermione. 

"Yeah, shoo!" Tatra yelled. 

With a wave of her wand, Catty made Hermione turn around. Hermione turned around and started to fly lower so that Catty's spells hit the trees more. 

Tatra's eyes were now back to normal. 

Catty began shooting fireballs at Hermione. 

"Stop that! You're destroying the forest!" McGonagall yelled. 

Tatra snapped her fingers and it started to snow. 

Dumbledore looked up, startled, and saw that there wasn't any clouds, if fact the sun was shining. Then Hermione's plant got set on fire. 

"I'll save you Hermione!" Tatra yelled as she disappeared. 

She reappeared on Hermione's plant. She put her arm around Hermione and appeared in front of Hogwarts. 

"Thank you," Hermione said before hiding behind McGonagall. 

"Alright, you two tell us where you sent everyone," Dumbledore said. 

"Well they're all over the world," Catty said, "each person in a different place." 

"And I'd like you to tell us every place," Dumbledore said. 

"Let's see. Harry went to Russia, Ron went to Jamaica, Professor Sprout went to Asia, Professor Snape went to Cuba, and we sent a Hufflepuff second year to Korea," Tatra said. 

"And the others?" Dumbledore asked. 

"They'll show up," Catty said. 

"When?" Dumbledore asked. 

"When they find their way back," Catty replied. 

"Yes, Ron might be here soon, Hermione's plant was smart," Tatra said. 

All of the teachers were angry. 

"What?" Tatra said after the remaining teachers stared at them for five minutes. 

"You shouldn't send our students away," Dumbledore said. 

"I don't know why you accepted those two," McGonagall said. 

"I didn't, they just showed up!" Dumbledore replied. 

"You're stuck with us so it's too bad if you don't want us!" Catty said. 

"Yup!" Tatra said. 

The remaining teachers groaned. 

"We know you love us!" Catty said. 

All the remaining teachers gave them skeptical looks. 

"Even though you don't act like it, we know that you like us," Catty said. 

"Yeah, we know for a fact that you can't live without us!" Tatra said. 

"Oh yes we can!" Hermione said. 

"Not! Can not!" Catty said. 

Hermione looked annoyed, "never mind, I'm going to go take a shower." 

"Good idea!" Tatra said as she and Catty fallowed Hermione, who had walked away. 

Hermione saw them and ran. Catty and Tatra ran too. 

"Stop fallowing me!" Hermione screamed. 

Just then Hermione ran past the Gryffindor Common room door. 

Tatra and Catty stopped and went through the Portrait door, after saying the password. 

"That was fun. You think we scared her?" Catty asked. 

"Yes, let's go jump out a window and frighten the teachers," Tatra suggested. 

"Okay!" Catty said. 

So they went to the largest window in the school. 

"1...2...3!" They jumped on three. 

There were many terrified screams from the teachers. 

Tatra and Catty stopped inches from the ground, then dropped to the ground with out any scratches or bruises. 

"Thought you were done with us when we jumped out the window? Well guess again!" Tatra exclaimed. 

"What did you think you were doing!" Dumbledore demanded. 

"Jumping out the window," Tatra chirped. 

"Stop causing mischief!" Dumbledore boomed. 

"We're not causing mischief, we're just having fun!" Tatra protested. 

"Well then stop having fun!" Dumbledore yelled. 

"Oh, we could hardly do that, that would go against our policy," Tatra said. 

"Against our law," Catty added. 

Dumbledore was fuming. 

"Ooh, ooh, look! There's someone!" Tatra yelled, pointing to the sky. 

"It's Harry and Ron!" Catty exclaimed. 

"Aren't we lucky!" Tatra said. 

"Yes, very!" Catty replied. 

"I guess the students are coming back on their own," McGonagall said to Dumbledore. 

"Yes, but I'm still going to send the Seventh years out to escort the students back," Dumbledore said as he hurried off. 

"Most of the Seventh years are gone too, so he'll have a pretty hard time finding them all," Catty whispered to Tatra. 

"Yeah, isn't there only two?" Tatra replied. 

"I believe so," Catty said, nodding, "but there might only be one." 

"I would think that he'd want at least three Seventh years to escort the students to the ball," Tatra said. 

Catty laughed, "there aren't even three Seventh years in the castle now." 

"Yup, wonder what he's gonna do when he finds out about it," Tatra said. 

"Who knows, but let's not be around to find out," Catty said as she began dancing around in a circle. 

Tatra went over to Hermione as asked her, "can you speak Japanese?" 

"No," Hermione answered before hiding behind Ron, who had just landed. 

"Ooh, ahh, dance in smarty pants!" Tatra sang as she danced with Catty. 

Catty stopped, "ok, now you're starting to scare me, and I don't scare easily." 

"Guess what! I bought you a pair of smarty pants! So you can, ooh, ahh, dance in smarty pants!" Tatra said as she gave Catty a pair of red and yellow checkered pants. 

"Give them to Hermione, she needs them more than me," Catty replied. 

"Alright, hey Hermione! I got you some smarty pants! So now you can, ooh, ahh, dance in smarty pants!" Tatra yelled as she ran over to Hermione. 

Hermione screamed before running into Hogwarts. 

"Ron?" Tatra asked. 

Ron fallowed Hermione. 

"Harry?" Tatra asked. 

Harry shook his head before going into Hogwarts. 

"Then I'll send them to Dumbledore for his birthday," Tatra said as she went up to the Gryffindor tower to wrap it. 

Mean while, Catty danced around the green houses and the bathrooms, singing loudly and off key. 

A/N2: the smarty pants came from a show we watched. -Tatra 


	9. Rubbery Hair

Chapter Nine- Rubbery Hair 

When Tatra was done wrapping the smarty pants, she came out to watch for more students. Not many passed since they'd sent most of them away. So Tatra started to watch the sky for the students that they sent away. 

"There's the Slytherin that made a face at me!" Tatra said as she ran to meet him. 

Once he landed, Tatra made a fly grow and then she sent the boy off again, but this time on the giant fly. 

"Good riddance!" she said as she watched him until he was a speck in the sky, then she ran off. 

Harry entered Dumbledore's office and sat down. Dumbledore had asked him come up. 

"Hello Harry," Dumbledore said. 

"Hello Sir," Harry replied. 

"How did the girls send you off?" Dumbledore asked, getting to the point. 

"Tatra pushed my lips up, I screamed, and they screamed too. Professor Sprout came over and told us to stop it. After left, Tatra made a plant grow and then I flew off. I tried making it turn around until I landed." Harry answered. 

"That'll be all," Dumbledore said. 

Harry left and another kid went in. 

Harry went over to Ron and Hermione. 

"Those two made me so mad!" Harry hissed. 

"They scare me," Hermione said. 

Ron shuddered at the thought. 

"Yahoooooooooooo!" Catty screamed as she flew in through the window. 

Tatra flew in after Catty screaming loudly. 

"I don't know what is wrong with those girls. First they pulled out my hair, then they locked me out of the great hall," Draco, who was close enough for the trio to hear him, said to Crabbe and Goyle. 

"But your hair is still there," Goyle said dumbly. 

"Idiot! I didn't say ALL my hair!" Draco yelled. 

"I have an announcement to make!" Tatra yelled loudly, even Dumbledore could hear her, "Draco Malfoy is a baka!" 

"No. Draco is going to shave his head! I'll help by plucking the rest of his hair out!" Catty screamed running towards Draco with her arms outstretched. 

"Aaaah! Help me!" Draco yelled as he ran away from Catty. 

"Aaaah!" Tatra yelled as she started chasing Ron. 

Just then Draco bumped into Harry. 

"Hey!" Harry, who was talking to Hermione, exclaimed. 

"Sorry! The crazy girls are after me!" Draco cried as he ran off again. 

Catty quickly caught up and began plucking hair from Draco's head. 

"Stop! Stop!" Draco yelled. 

"I can't! I'm possessed!" Catty screamed. 

"You are? Can I be possessed too?" Tatra asked, still chasing Ron. 

"No, I don't think so," Catty replied still plucking hairs from Draco's head. 

"Aww, oh well. This is fun, chasing Ronny-poo." Tatra shouted. 

"Hermione! Harry! Help me!" Ron shouted. 

"But he looks like he's having so much fun! Don't spoil it!" Catty said. 

"Ronald Weasley, Dumbledore wants to see you," Professor McGonagall said. 

Ron went up to Dumbledore's office with Tatra hanging on to him. 

Catty would have followed, but she was too busy plucking hairs from Draco's head. 

"Mr Weasley, what were you thinking running around like that?" Dumbledore exclaimed. 

"Well, you'd have a hard time staying still too if you had her chasing you," Ron said pointing to Tatra. 

"What a very good point this is," Tatra pointed out, then she began to chase Dumbledore. 

"Stop it at once!" he demanded. 

"Cease and desist!" Tatra yelled as she continued to chase Dumbledore. 

With a wave of Dumbledore's wand, Tatra flew into the air. 

"Now, BEHAVE!" he roared so loud that the whole school shook. 

"Alright baka, if you call me Tatra-sama," Tatra said. 

"Anything for you to shut up and behave!" Dumbledore roared. 

"Don't worry I won't ask you to bow," Tatra said. 

"Get out!" Dumbledore yelled, "NOW!" He put her down and told her to get out of his sight. 

"Poo on you," Tatra said before leaving. 

Then, without warning, a huge pile of donkey dung fell on Dumbledore. 

"I'm back!" Tatra announced from behind Hermione. 

"What happened? Why was Dumbledore screaming?" Harry asked. 

"Donkey dung," Tatra replied. 

"Huh?" Harry asked. 

"This is the song that never ends, yes it just goes on and on my friends, some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because this is the song that never ends..." Tatra started singing. 

Soon Catty joined in. Draco now had a bit of a bald spot. 

"Get away from me!" Draco yelled. 

"But I love you!" Catty replied as she began to pluck more hair from his head. 

"You mean my hair!" Draco said. 

"Exactly," Catty said. 

"Well, then, get away from my hair!" Draco said. 

"Why?" Catty asked. 

"Because soon there won't be any left for you to love!" He replied. 

"Oh, don't worry, it'll all grow back!" Catty assured him. 

"Leave me AND my hair alone!" Draco yelled. 

"But how can I leave the two of you alone? If I did that, there would still be two of you, so technically you wouldn't be alone!" Catty said, matter of factly. 

"What I meant was to keep away from me!" Draco yelled. 

"But I can't do that," Catty said. 

"And why not?" Draco asked. 

"Because we're glued together," Catty laughed, holding up a glue bottle. 

"What?" Draco said as he tried to pull his arm away, only to find out that it was stuck to Catty's arm. 

"AHHHHHH!" Draco yelled, "Unglue us! Now now now now NOW!" 

"Can't," Catty replied. 

"WHY NOT!" Draco demanded. 

"Magic super glue. Says here on the bottle, 'Will never unstick.'" Catty laughed, "You'll have an awful time going to the bathroom, won't you?" 

The thought horrified Draco. 

"Just think, we'll be together FOREVER!" Catty exclaimed, "All three of us!" 

"THREE?" Draco asked. 

"Just you, me, and your hair," Catty replied dreamily. 

"I'm going to go get one of the professors to unglue us," Draco said as he dragged Catty away. 

Draco dragged Catty over to the closest professor, which happened to be Snape. 

"Professor? Will you please unstick us?" Draco asked. 

Snape took one look at Catty, Draco, and his hair and ran away. Draco sighed and went over to McGonagall. 

"Will you please unstick us?" Draco asked. 

"Sure, what did you use to stick yourselves together with?" McGonagall asked. 

"Magic super glue, 'it'll never unstick'," Catty quoted. 

"We'll need a potion to do that," McGonagall said. 

"But Professor Snape is afraid of Catty!" Draco cried. 

"I'll talk to Severus," McGonagall said as she went over to Snape. 

"He won't budge. He loves me too much!" Catty called after McGonagall. 

"Yeah right," Draco muttered. 

Catty started pulling out more of Draco's hair. 

"Stop it!" Draco exclaimed, "I need my hair!" 

"Like I said, it'll grow back," Catty replied. 

"Give me that!" Draco said as he grabbed the glue. 

Draco poured the glue on his head. 

"Your in trouble now!" Catty said, "Your head'll be all rubbery forever!" 

Then she tried to pluck a hair, but the strand was like a rubber band. It stretched, but it didn't come out. 

"Would all students and teachers go to the Great Hall for lunch," McGonagall said. 

All the students and teachers went to the Great Hall and sat down. Most of the kids were still missing. 

Draco had to sit at the Gryffindor table because he was glued to Catty. 

McGonagall went around checking off the students who were there off a list. 

"What are you doing, Minerva-chan?" Tatra asked. 

"Seeing who's still here," McGonagall answered. 

"Any one who's not here, please raise your hand!" Tatra yelled at the top of her lungs. 

Catty raised her hand that was attached to Draco. 

"Hey! What are you doing?" Draco exclaimed. 

"We're not here," she replied. 

"Very funny," McGonagall said as she checked them off on her list. 

"Hey! I said that we weren't here!" Catty said. 

"Well you are here," McGonagall said. 

Catty and Draco disappeared. 

"Now we're not," Catty's voice said. 

"Get back here!" McGonagall yelled. 

"But I told you we weren't here!" Catty's voice exclaimed. 

"Where are we?" Draco asked. 

"We're not there," Catty replied simply. 

"I know that we aren't at Hogwarts. What I don't know is where we are," Draco said. 

"Want me to turn on the lights?" Catty asked. 

"Yes!" Draco said. 

Catty snapped her fingers and it was suddenly bright. 

Draco looked around and gasped. They were on the moon! 

"Hey look! There's Earth!" Catty exclaimed. 

"I don't want to look!" Draco said as he closed his eyes. 

"But you gotta look!" Catty said as she pried one of Draco's eyes opened. 

"Get back here now!" McGonagall's voce said, startling Draco into opening his eyes. 

"AHHH!!!" He yelled as he saw Earth. 

Catty made them appear at Hogwarts, on the very top of the highest tower. 

"Get us down!" Draco yelled. 

"Alright," Catty said as she jumped off the tower. 

Draco screamed. 

Catty laughed as she stopped them suddenly a foot above the ground. Then she dropped them the last foot. 

"How'd you do that?" Draco asked. 

"Easy, I jumped," Catty said. 

"Oh, nevermind," Draco said. 

"Let's go to the kitchen," Catty said. 

"Why?" Draco asked. 

"So we can get over-ripe fruit to throw at Dumbledore," Catty answered. 

"No!" Draco exclaimed, trying to pull back. 

"Yes!" Catty replied. 

Catty dragged Draco into the kitchen, where she convinced the house-elves into giving them some over-ripe fruit. They had at least a bucket load of over-ripe fruit as they made their way to Dumbledore's office. 

At the sight of Catty, Draco, and his hair, Dumbledore looked horrified. Catty picked up a fruit and threw it at Dumbledore. 

"Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!!!" Dumbledore shouted at each fruit as he ducked. 

Catty kept throwing the fruit. 

"Stop!" Draco said 

Catty took a piece of the fruit and smashed it into Draco's face, then continued throwing it at Dumbledore. 

"Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!" Dumbledore yelled. 

For every fruit that Catty threw, Dumbledore AND Draco yelled 'stop'. 

Soon she began to alternate. She'd throw one piece of fruit at Dumbledore, then smash one in Draco's face. 

"Would you please-" Draco got interrupted by the fruit that Catty smashed into his face. 

"Throw you another piece of fruit? Why of course!" She replied, smashing yet another piece of fruit into his face, then she said, "This is fun!" 

"Not for me!" Draco exclaimed. 

"Oh? Why not?" Catty asked. 

"Because I don't like fruit!" Draco yelled. 

"Well then, would you prefer if I used vegetables?" Catty asked. 

"No!" 

"Socks?" 

"No!" 

"Magic super glue?" 

"No!" Draco was horrified just at the mention of the glue. He knew how powerful it was. 

"Let's go finish eating," Catty said. 

Then, not waiting for his reply, Catty dragged Draco back to the Great Hall to finish eating. 

"We're baaack!" Catty announced. 

Some of the teachers and students groaned. 

"We're back forever! Or, well, at least until we feel like leaving again," Catty said, then she said in a baby voice, "Hurry up and eat your vegetables, so you can grow up to be a big strong boy! You don't want to grow up to be a weakling do you?" 

Draco slowly shook his head. 

The Gryffindors stared in awe. 

"What did you do to him Catty?" Ron asked. 

"Oh, nothing. I just brought out the real him," Catty replied. 

"You call frightening me, and throwing over-ripe fruit at me bringing out the real me!" Draco exclaimed. 

"I didn't know that looking at the Earth from the moon was frightening," Catty said as she raised the hand that was attached to Draco's and plopped it into the soup bowl. 

"Hey!" Draco exclaimed. 

"I wanted some more soup," Catty said as she put a handful of soup into her bowl, which didn't really work. 

"Have you ever heard of a spoon?" Draco asked. 

"I'm not sure," Catty said as she put their hands back in the soup bowl for another handful. 

"Can I have some soup?" Tatra asked. 

"Sure," Catty replied as she handed Tatra the bowl over Draco's head. 

"Oops," Tatra said when she dumped the soup bowl on Draco's head when she was handing it back to Catty. 

"My hair!" Draco cried as the soup bowl refilled itself, still on Draco's head. 

"Don't worry, it's still rubbery," Catty said as she pull on one of Draco's hairs. 

"Pass the soup? Please?" Ron asked. 

Draco sighed, "Catty, I swear you're going to kill me." 

"But all we've been doing is having fun," Catty replied. 

"Fun?!" Draco demanded, "If that's what you call fun, then I'd hate to see what you call torture!" 

Catty laughed and took the soup bowl off Draco's head and handed it to Ron who made a face. 

"Hermione would you make it clean?" Ron asked. 

"I'll do it!" Tatra volunteered. 

Tatra took the bowl, tapped it with her wand and handed it back to Ron. Ron took one look at the bowl and pushed it away. The bowl was so dirty that Ron had to wash his hands 14 times to get them clean, and they still looked a bit grey. 

"Draco, your head is awfully dirty," Catty said looking at the bowl, Ron's hands, then Draco's head. 

"Some of the dirt in that bowl was from your hands, and her hands," Draco said looking at Catty and then Tatra. 

"I doubt that," Catty replied. 

"Yeah, we all know that it came from your head," Tatra agreed. 

Tatra got up and sat next to Ron, who moved away an inch. Tatra waited for Ron to go back to eating, then stuck a magic-super-glue covered spoon on Ron. 

"Hey!" Ron yelled as he tried to get the spoon off himself. 

"Hay is for horses!" Catty shouted suddenly. 

"That's not funny!" Ron exclaimed. 

"Have a cold?" Catty asked, "It's snot funny." 

"No, I don't have a cold," Ron said. 

"Would you like one?" Catty asked. 

"NO!" Ron yelled. 

"Ah, too bad, I have one for $19.99. Call now and we'll include a free Harry Potter Poster," Catty said. 

Tatra stuck a glue covered fork on Ron's robes while he wasn't paying attention. 

"Ron, would you like a manicure?" Catty asked suddenly. 

"No!" Ron replied. 

"How about you Draco?" She asked. 

"No!" Draco yelled. 

"Oh that's too bad, I would of done it for you free," Catty offered. 

Tatra started painting Ron's nails. 

"Hey!" Ron exclaimed. 

"Ron's a horse!" Catty exclaimed. 

Tatra tapped Ron with her wand and he turned into a horse. 

"Turn him back!" Hermione screamed. 

"Don't know how," Tatra replied, even though she did know how to. 

"Yes you do!" Hermione screamed. 

"Would I have done it if I knew how to turn him back?" Tatra asked. 

"No! So do it now!" Hermione screeched. 

Catty raised her hand that was attached to Draco's and said, "Draco can do it!" 

"No I can't!" Draco protested. 

"Sure you can!" Catty replied, "Just believe in yourself! I know you can!" 

"Why don't you change him back?" Draco suggested. 

"Because I want you to," Catty said. 

"But I don't wanna and I can't!" Draco whined. 

"Quick, get McGonagall!" Harry yelled. 

All of the Gryffindors ran up to McGonagall. By the time everyone had gotten back Ron was back to normal, except for his hands, which were still hooves. 

"What happened?" Hermione asked. 

"I'm not sure," Ron replied. 

"The tooth fairy turned him back," Tatra said. 

"No, it was Draco dressed as the tooth fairy," Catty insisted. 

"No, it was Ron dressed as the tooth fairy!" Tatra said. 

"How could Ron turn himself back?" Hermione asked. 

"Magic!" Tatra said. 

"Exactly," Catty replied. 

"Clap if you believe! Do you believe in fairies?" Tatra asked. 

Catty began clapping. Then she ordered, "Clap Draco! CLAP! You believe! I know you do!" 

Draco groaned and clapped. 

"Clap if you believe! Do you believe in magic?" Tatra asked. 

All of the 1-4th years clapped and some of the fifth years clapped. 

"Amazing, they believe in magic?" Tatra asked. 

Ron snorted. 

Tatra picked up a cup, put some glue on the bottom, and stuck it onto Ron's palm. Then she poured some juice into the cup. 

Ron screamed, "Get away from me! You're a crazy person!" 

"Thank you," Tatra replied. 

"Arg!" Ron yelled. 

"I love you Ron!" Tatra said, batting her eyes. 

"Get away from me!" Ron yelled again. 

"But I love you!" Tatra yelled back even louder. 

"Help!" Ron yelled as he ran toward the teacher's table. 

"Don't listen to him, he's just being stupid," Tatra yelled to the teachers. 

"No! Help!" Ron yelled as Tatra dragged him away. 

The teachers gave Ron a helpless look. None of them could control Catty and Tatra. 

"Let's play dress up, ok?" Tatra asked. 

"NO!" Ron screamed. 

"Too bad you didn't know that the very second you said that, it was opposite second," Tatra said. 

"What?" Ron asked. 

"When you said that, it was the second of the day that whatever you said was the opposite of what you meant," Tatra explained. 

"What?" Ron repeated. 

"In other word, you are playing dress up wether you want to or not," Catty called. 

"Everyone! It is time to start classes, please go to you class rooms. If your teacher doesn't come within a half an hour, go back to your common rooms and wait," McGonagall announced. 

"Let's go, we have Transfiguration," Hermione said as she stood up. 

"Transfiguration? Oh goody!" Tatra said as she started hopping up and down holding onto Ron. 

"Yay!" Catty yelled, dragging Draco to the Transfiguration room. 

"Stop! Stop!" Draco yelled. 

"Can't! There's no time! We're late! We're late! For a very important date! No time to say 'hello, goodbye' we're late, we're late, we're late!" Catty sang. 

"No we aren't! We're 15 minutes EARLY!" Draco yelled. 

"We are? Then you wouldn't mind if we have some tea, would you?" Catty asked. 

"Tea! We just had lunch!" Draco exclaimed. 

"Oh yeah, then we'll just sit here very boredly," Catty said as she sat down. 


	10. A Couch That Was Once a Plant

Note: we don't own anything but Tatra and Catty, and their insanity. Please review so I can thank you! 

Chapter Ten - A couch that was once a plant 

"I love you Draco," Catty said loudly. 

"Well I don't like you!" Draco replied. 

"Yes you do!" Catty said. 

"No I don't!" Draco repeated. 

"I'm the girl everybody loves!" Catty said innocently, "See?" 

All the boys from Hogwarts rushed in, even the ones who were sent away and hadn't returned yet, and said at the same time, "I love you Catty!" then they rushed off. 

"Told you!" Catty said. 

"Well I don't love you! Anyway, if all the boys love you, then why do you torture me?" Draco asked. 

"Cause you're too cute!" Catty exclaimed. 

Draco groaned. 

Catty smiled sweetly. 

Just then all of the students came in. Every one of them avoided Catty, Tatra, Draco, and his hair. 

"One of you will have to sit next to Tatra, we don't have that many extra seats," McGonagall said. 

"I'll sit next to Tatra!" Catty said. 

"You already are," McGonagall replied. 

"Well, if there were two of me I'd sit next to her twice," Catty said. 

McGonagall sighed, "You'll have to sit next to Tatra." 

The boy who was the last one standing sat down next to Tatra reluctantly. 

Tatra made a face and the desk turned orange. 

Catty reached over her to pat the boy who was now sitting next to Tatra on the head, with the arm that was attached to Draco. 

"Hey!" Draco exclaimed as he was dragged across the desk, and Catty. 

"Are you a horse too?" Tatra asked. 

"No, I'm a wizard," Draco said. 

"No, you're not," Catty said. 

"What do you mean?" Draco asked. 

"Do you know how to turn a plant into a couch?" Catty asked. 

"No," Draco answered. 

"Then you're not a wizard," Catty said. 

"Well, technically, not yet," Hermione said, "none of us are." 

"Not until you know how to turn a plant into a couch," Catty said. 

"Minerva-chan, can you teach us how to turn a plant into a couch?" Tatra asked. 

"Why?" McGonagall asked. 

"Cause I want to be a wizard," Tatra replied. 

"You wouldn't be a wizard, you'd be a witch," Draco said. 

"But Catty said you're a wizard when you learn how to turn a plant into a couch," Tatra said. 

McGonagall sighed. 

"I wish I was a genie so I could live in one of those pretty bottles full of cushions, and I'd get to be tiny," Catty said suddenly. 

"I wish I could fly without wings, and shoot energy balls from my hands, or from my mouth, or eyes, but I wouldn't like to turn into a giant monkey whenever I looked at the moon," Tatra said just as suddenly. 

With a snap of her fingers, Catty's lips blew up fifteen times bigger than they should have been. They took up most of her face. 

She turned to Draco, then yelled, "Give me a kiss, honey!" 

Draco looked HORRIFIED! 

"Professor McGonagall!" Draco yelled. 

By the time McGonagall turned around, Catty's lips were normal. 

"Um, never mind," Draco said, beginning to blush. 

McGonagall said nothing, knowing that Draco was stuck next to Catty. 

Catty smiled sweetly. 

It was clear that everyone felt sorry for Draco...and his hair. 

"For today's lesson we will turn a cactus into a pincushion," McGonagall said, "would you hand the cactuses out Hermione, don't rush." 

"Yes professor," Hermione said as she stood up. 

Tatra stood up as well. She hurried up to the cactuses and started tapping them with her wand, turning them different colors. 

The second one of the cactuses turned color, Catty rushed up and sent them sailing out the window. 

Soon all of them were gone. 

McGonagall sighed and then said, "I was going to save this till the next lesson, but, under the circumstances, we will do it today." 

McGonagall took out some straws out of her desk. 

"Hermione, pass these around instead, we will be turning to straws into quills." 

Hermione got to the straws before Tatra and Catty. 

Catty poked Draco's arm while Hermione passed out the straws. 

"What was that for?" Draco asked. 

"Nothing, I'm just bored," she replied. 

"There's something in my straw," Tatra, who had been looking into her straw, stated. 

She reached into her straw and pulled out a rock the size of Harry's head, in fact, it looked just like Harry's head, it even had glasses. 

"So that's where my statue of Harry's head went!" Catty exclaimed, taking the head. 

Catty put the head in her bag and then poked Draco again. 

The class was awestruck. 

Catty turned her straw into a quill, then began to write on Draco with it. 

Tatra tapped her straw and it turned into a silly-slammer. She then threw it over her shoulder, it landed on Cole's desk and then said, "I need it NOW!" 

"I need a new straw!" Tatra yelled. 

McGonagall gave Tatra a new straw. Tatra tapped it and it turned into a roll of toilet tissue. She threw it over her shoulder and it landed on Buffy's desk. 

McGonagall gave Tatra another straw and this time it turned into a quill when she tapped it. 

Tatra started doodling on her desk. 

Draco turned to Catty and loudly yelled, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" 

"I can't do that!" Catty yelled even louder. 

"Why not!" Draco asked. 

"Cuz I'm stuck on you!" She replied, waving her arm attacked to him madly in the air. 

"Professor! Can you tell Snape to hurry it up!" Draco yelled the last part. 

"Tell him to slow it down first!" Catty called. 

"I will tell him when class is over, has everyone finished their straws?" McGonagall asked. 

"Yes," the class replied. 

"Then class is over, I'll see you later," McGonagall said. 

Catty dragged Draco out of the room as fast as she could. 

Tatra followed Catty, Draco, and his hair. 

"Wonder where they're going," Harry said. 

"To the mall," Tatra answered before leaving again. 

"What's a mall?" Ron asked. 

"A place where muggles shop for things," Harry replied. 

"Bingo!" Tatra said before leaving once again. 

Catty, Draco and his hair were LONG gone, but Tatra was catching up. 

Hermione shrugged and said, "Let's get going." 

The halls were pretty much empty. 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione went up to the Gryffindor common room. Harry and Ron started to play chess while Hermione read a book. 

Fred and George slowly crept into the room. 

"Are they gone?" Fred asked. 

"Who?" Ron asked. 

"Catty and Tatra!" George replied. 

"For now," Harry answered. 

"Yes, we're gone for now, but we'll be back!" Tatra said before going out the portrait door. 

Fred and George disappeared as fast as they could. 

"Shouldn't we be afraid? If my brothers are afraid of them..." Ron trailed off. 

"I'm not THAT afraid, are you Hermione?" Harry asked. 

"No, not really, I'm just afraid of what Hogwarts is going to be like when they get through with it," Hermione answered. 

"It definitely won't be the same," Harry admitted. 

Ron looked uneasy. 

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked. 

"Wasn't the Gryffindor Lion supposed to be gold?" Ron asked. 

"Yes," Hermione answered. 

"Why?" Harry asked. 

"Look," Ron croaked as he pointed. 

Harry and Hermione turned, looked up and gasped. 

The Gryffindor Lion was now tie-dyed! 

"Who... Who did that?" Harry asked. 

"We did, Catty and me!" Tatra answered before she left again. 

"Those two really freak me out," Harry said. 

Suddenly every thing turned tie-dyed, even the fire! 

"I want to go home," Ron whined, "as far as I know, things are normal there." 

"I think I'd rather take my chances here than go back to the Dursley's," Harry said. 

"I wonder," Hermione said, "do you think that Dumbledore will send everyone home until they leave?" 

"No, I don't think so," Harry replied. 

"I hope he does though," Ron replied. 

"Silly wizards, Trix are for kids!" Tatra said as she poured a box of Trix on the trio's heads. 

Hermione screamed. 

"$500, $500, $500!" Ron screamed suddenly. 

"Wow! I can make people say things!" Catty said suddenly, as she appeared, "I made you say that Ron! But that's the only thing I can make people say." 

"Where's Draco?" Hermione asked. 

"He's paying for a dress that he found at the mall," Catty answered. 

"He's what!" The trio exclaimed. 

"Paying for a dress that he found at the mall," Tatra repeated what Catty had said. 

Suddenly Draco appeared in a dress and when he appeared, he appeared attached to Catty. 

He looked VERY unhappy. 

"She picked it out and made me wear it!" Draco exclaimed. 

"We all know that's not true, so don't pretend it is," Catty joked. 

"I'm not pretending," Draco protested. 

"Sure your not," Catty replied. 

"Really!" Draco insisted. 

"Yeah, okay," Catty replied. 

Hermione, Harry, and Ron stood there and stared in awe. 

"Doesn't he look just so cute in a dress?" Catty asked. 

"You two are insane!" Draco yelled. 

"Thank you," Catty replied, "that's such a compliment coming from you." 

Draco looked at her as if she was an alien. 

"Cooooookie crisp!" Tatra yelled as she emptied a box of Cookie Crisp on the trio's head. 

"I want to be an Oreo," Catty whined suddenly. 

"Why did I have to get stuck with YOU?" Draco asked. 

"Just lucky I guess," Catty replied happily. 

"Yeah, you could of been stuck with Bob," Tatra said. 

"Who's Bob?" Draco asked. 

"The sock puppet," Tatra answered. 

"What sock puppet?" Draco asked. 

"You mean you don't remember?" Tatra asked. 

Draco shook his head no. 

"He's the mascot for your house!" Tatra said in disbelief. 

"But our house mascot is a serpent," Draco said, confused. 

"Not anymore," Tatra said. 

Draco ran to the Slytherine common room, dragging Catty along with him, and checked the picture of their mascot. It had changed from the silver Serpent to a blue sock puppet with pink hair. 

Draco screamed with horror and Catty screamed just to copy and annoy Draco. 

"They're Great!" Tatra yelled as she dumped a box of Frosted Flakes on the trio's heads. 

"How do you make a tissue dance?" Catty asked, then with out waiting for a reply said, "you put a little boogey in it!" 

"Very funny," Draco said. 

"You're coo-coo for Coco Puffs!" Tatra said as she poured a box of Coco Puffs on Draco and Catty's heads. 

"No, she's coo, coo period," Draco said, referring to Catty 

"Oops, I forgot the milk!" Tatra snapped her fingers and Draco and Catty were covered in milk. 

With a snap of Catty's fingers Tatra became covered in green, gooey slime. Then Catty said, "You're crazy about slime!" 

"Yes I am, and so is Bob!" Tatra said as she pointed to the sock puppet. 

Bob was covered in green slime. 

"I want some raison brain," Catty announced. 

"You just won $500!" Tatra replied. 

"$500!?" Catty exclaimed. 

"$500!" Tatra replied. 

"Alright!" Catty exclaimed. 

Tatra handed Catty $500 in Monopoly money. 

Catty threw the money up in the air, then shouted, "Whoopie!" 

Draco snorted. 

"Got milk?" Tatra asked. 

"Yes, all over me," Draco replied sourly. 

"Meditation time!" Catty screamed suddenly, and loudly. 

Suddenly every one at Hogwarts was sitting Indian style and going "ooohm, oohm!" Thirty seconds later, everyone was back to normal. 

"What just happened?" Harry asked. 

"I don't know," Catty lied, popping up behind the trio, with out Draco. 

"Who knows," Ron said. 

"No one knows about your nose, but those who know, knows," Catty said, trying to make no sense at all. 

"Huh," Ron said. 

She repeated herself more slowly. 

"Whatever," Ron replied. 

"Whatever do you mean?" Tatra, who had just came into the common room attached to Draco, said. 

"Nothing," Ron muttered as he moved away. 

"You can have Draco back now," Tatra said as she peeled Draco off herself and handed him to Catty. 

"Thankies," Catty said as she hugged Draco. 

Draco groaned, and was reattached to Catty. 

"Now what?" Tatra asked. 

"Let's get more names for our petition," Catty suggested. 

"Alright," Tatra agreed. 

"What petition?" Draco asked. 

Tatra and Catty didn't answer, they just left, dragging Draco. 


	11. Have You Any Wool?

Chapter eleven - Have you any wool? 

"This isn't working," Tatra said as the sixth person they met ran away before they could ask. 

"I know! We'll put on a disguise!" Catty exclaimed. 

"Great idea!" Tatra said as she pulled out three pairs of fake eyeglasses that had a nose and a moustache on it. 

Draco couldn't believe the two of them. 

Catty and Tatra put on their disguises and got twenty people to sign their petition. 

One person wouldn't sign, so Tatra asked her for her name and then made the girl sign by moving her hand. Then Catty made her say $500. 

"I feel sorry for your parents," Draco muttered. 

"Why's that?" Catty asked. 

Draco didn't answer, just looked at them with pity in his eyes. 

"Besides, it was our parent who taught us," Tatra said, laughing. 

"I'm glad I'm not in you family," Draco sneered. 

"You should be," Catty replied. 

"Why?" He asked. 

"Because our family wouldn't like you," Catty replied simply. 

"Why not?" Draco asked. 

"You're too pale," Catty answered. 

"Dot, dot, dot," Tatra said suddenly. 

"Polka, polka, polka," Catty replied. 

"Poke?" Tatra said. 

"Poke!" Catty replied. 

Tatra and Catty started poking Draco. 

"Ah! Get away from me!" He screamed. 

"But you're too fun to be around!" Catty replied simply, still poking him. 

"Um, Potter's doing something that you need to see!" Draco yelled. 

"How do you know?" Catty asked. 

"I heard them talking," Draco said. 

Catty, Draco and Tatra disappeared and reappeared in the Gryffindor common room. 

"They aren't doing anything," Catty said, disappointed. 

Tatra tackled Ron and wrote 'underage wizard' on his head with a permanent marker. 

"Ah!" Ron screamed, "Get it off! Get it off!" He began to madly rub his face. 

"You're not going to get it off. It's a MAGIC permanent marker," Tatra stated proudly. 

Ron rubbed harder, "get it off, get it off, get it off!" 

"It's not coming off," Tatra said. 

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Ron screamed as he rubbed even harder. 

"Poor Ron, he's gonna rub his face off," Tatra said to Catty. 

Catty shook her head sadly. 

Ron was still yelling and rubbing. 

Tatra ran up to the girls dorm and changed into a black dress and a hat with a veil. Then she came back downstairs. 

"What's with the outfit?" Draco asked. 

"Well, Ron's gonna rub his forehead off, isn't that a reason to dress up?" Tatra asked. 

"Not really," Draco replied. 

"Oh," Tatra said. 

Then she went back upstairs and changed into a robe, but not just any robe. She changed into a bathrobe. 

She grabbed a hammer and came downstairs. 

"What's with the hammer?" Draco asked. 

"You ask too many questions," Catty replied. 

"I'll tell you what it's for. It's for stubbing your toe!" Tatra yelled as she tapped his foot with the hammer. 

"Ahh! Get away from me!" He screamed, running away dragging Catty with him. 

Tatra shrugged, got down on her hands and knees and started to crawl around stubbing everyone's toes. 

Catty began to wave the hand that was attached to Draco madly around in the air. 

"What are you doing?" Draco asked. 

"Saying hi to that man over there," she replied, pointing. 

Everyone looked to where she was pointing to and saw no man. 

"Where is he?" Hermione demanded. 

"Where's who?" Catty asked innocently. 

"The man!" Hermione exclaimed. 

"What man?" Catty asked. 

"The man you just said was over there!" Hermione yelled, becoming frustrated. 

"I didn't say anything about a man. Did you hear anything about a man, Tatra?" Catty asked. 

"Nope, I heard nothing about the man," Tatra said as she hit Hermione on the toe with her hammer. 

Catty began to run around in circles and Draco was being dragged all around. 

Tatra hit Harry on the toe with the hammer. 

"Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" Harry yelled as he hopped around holding his toe. 

"Go away!" Ron yelled. 

"Can't!" Tatra replied. 

"Why not?" Ron asked. 

"Because I glued your shoe to the floor," Tatra answered. 

"Go away!" Ron screamed. 

"I already told you I can't, I glued your shoe to the floor," Tatra said, shaking her head. 

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Ron boomed. 

"Say that again," Tatra said, holding a mike up to Ron's mouth. 

"Get away from me!" Ron yelled. 

Tatra took the tape recorder she had and went up to the girls dorm. 

"What's she doing?" Harry asked. 

"Who cares, as long as she's gone," Ron said. 

"I'm back!" Tatra called as she came down. 

Tatra hit play on her tape player. Ron's voice said 'get away from me' over and over again. 

"Now that you've gotten my message, GO!" Ron yelled so loud that he didn't know he had the power to be that loud. 

"Alright," Tatra said. 

She left for about two minutes and then came back. 

"I went," Tatra said as she wiped her wet hands on Ron's robes. 

"EW" Ron yelled. 

"What, it's clean water, I just washed my hands," Tatra said. 

"Quiet!" Catty yelled, "Every one hide! The Ba Ba Black Sheep is coming! If he finds you he'll get you good!" 

"The ba ba what?" Harry asked. 

"THE BA BA BLACK SHEEP!" Catty shrieked, pointing to Dumbledore, who had just walked into the common room, "He's gonna get us good now!" 

"What about a ba ba black sheep?" Dumbledore asked. 

"Like you don't know," Catty accused. 

"No, I don't know!" Dumbledore yelled. 

"A BA BA BLACK SHEEP!" Catty boomed. 

"What about it?!" Dumbledore yelled. 

"YOU'RE THE BA BA BLACK SHEEP!" Catty screamed, "YOU'RE GONNA GET US GOOD!" 

"I'm not the Ba Ba Black Sheep!" Dumbledore yelled. 

"BA BA BLACK SHEEP!" Catty began to chant. 

Dumbledore sighed and left. 

Catty continued to chant while Tatra cheered. 

Just then Tatra started to chant too, only she was chanting 'kitties' instead. 

Catty got louder. Tatra started to march around in a circle while chanting. 

Suddenly Snape entered the common room. 

"It's the Muffin Man!" Catty screamed suddenly, pointing to Snape. 

"The Muffin Man? What's that?" Snape asked. 

"The Muffin Man!" She repeated louder. 

"Is he gonna get us good too?" Harry asked. 

"No! He's the Muffin Man!" Catty yelled. 

"Yes, yes," Harry said, "but is he gonna get us good like the Ba Ba Black Sheep?" 

"No, the Ba Ba Black Sheep is gonna get us good, but he's the Muffin Man!" Catty replied. 

Harry sighed and muttered, "I give up!" 

"Me too!" Catty screamed. 

Tatra went up to Snape and asked, "If a monkey stole your robes, would you be unhappy?" 

Snape stared at her as if she was crazy. 

Catty began to sing, "Ba ba black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir three bags full! One for the master, one for the dame, one for the little boy who lives down the lane! Ba ba black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir three bags full!" 

"I came here because some students complained to Dumbledore that one of you was going around hitting people on the toe with a hammer," Snape said. 

"Then why didn't Dumbledore come?" Tatra asked. 

"He did! He was just in here a moment ago!" Snape exclaimed. 

"No! That was the Ba Ba Black Sheep!" Tatra yelled. 

"Well anyway, who had the hammer?" Snape asked. 

"I did! And I still have it!" Tatra said as she got on her hands and knees and hit Snape's toe with the hammer. 

"Ouch!" Snape yelled. 

"Muffin Man! Muffin Man!" Catty screamed. 

"Give me the hammer," Snape demanded, holding his hand out. 

"Alright," Tatra hit Snape's hand with the hammer. 

"Hand it to me!" He boomed. 

Tatra tried to hit him with it, but he grabbed it away too quickly. 

"Got you good!" Snape laughed. 

"The Muffin Man!" Catty screeched so loud that the windows shattered. 

"Stop screeching," Snape said before repairing the windows. 

Snape left with the hammer. 

Tatra went back up to her dorm. She came down to the common room a minute later, another hammer in her hand. 

"Can I have one?" Catty asked. 

"How many hammers do you have?" Harry asked. 

"This is an 'A, B' conversation, so 'C' your way out," Catty replied. 

"Huh," Harry said, confused. 

"Go lick the giant squid in the lake," Tatra said. 

"Why?" Harry asked. 

"Because it's something to do," Tatra said. 

Tatra snapped her fingers and Harry found himself in front of the lake. 

Harry sighed, then started the long walk back up to the castle common room. 

Meanwhile Tatra had given Catty a hammer and they were hitting people with them. 

"Let's go find Harry and then go complain to Snape or Dumbledore," Hermione said to Ron after the third time they were hit on the head with a hammer. 

With a wave of her hand, Catty had transformed her hammer into a flyswatter. Then she started smacking everyone. 

"Ow!" Ron yelled as Catty hit him on the arm really hard. 

She began to alternate, banging on Ron, the table, the floor and a chair. Soon she had an awesome beat going. 

Before Harry could stop himself he began bobbing his head to the beat. 

"When did you get back?" Hermione asked Harry. 

"I don't know, I was on the stairs with the trick step and then I was suddenly here," Harry said. 

"I brought you here!" Tatra said as she popped up behind them. 

"Why couldn't you have left me there?" Harry groaned. 

"Because we all love you so much, and couldn't wait to have you back!" Catty answered for Tatra. 

"Besides, Draco was lonely," Tatra said. 

"How can Draco be lonely if he's attached to Catty?" Ron asked. 

"Go buzz off!" Tatra said as she snapped her fingers. 

Suddenly Ron found himself outside, flying. 

Ron screamed like a girl, "Get me out of the sky and back into the common room!" 

With a snap of Catty's fingers, Ron was sent flying into the Hufflepuff common room. 

"He didn't say which common room he wanted to be in," Catty said with a shrug. 

"Anyone else want to buzz off?" Tatra asked. 

Everyone quickly shook their head. 

"Good. Get your peanuts! Nice, hot peanuts! Get your peanuts!" Catty screamed suddenly. 

Everyone looked at her like she was crazy, except Tatra. 

"Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Peanut sales have gone down 100%!" Catty screeched. 

"Really?" Tatra asked. 

"Yes, really," Catty answered. 

"We should sell more peanuts," Tatra said. 

"You two are nuts," Ron, who had suddenly appeared, said. 

"No, you want peanuts," Catty said as she began to fill all of Ron's pockets with peanuts. 

"No! No! No! No! No! Get those outta there!" Ron exclaimed. 

"Why?" Tatra asked. 

Because I don't want any peanuts!" Ron replied. 

"Why?" Tatra asked. 

"Go away!" Ron screamed. 

"Why?" Tatra asked. 

"Because I find you a weird and disturbing girl," Ron said. 

"Why?" Tatra asked. 

"Let's go eat," Hermione interrupted. 

"Why?" Tatra asked. 

"Because I'm hungry," Hermione said. 

"Why?" Tatra asked. 

"Because I haven't eaten since lunch!" Hermione said. 

"What about all the cereal I dumped on you?" Tatra asked. 

Suddenly Catty began to pull at Draco's gooey and rubbery hair again. 

"Stop that!" Draco yelled. 

"Nope," Catty said as she continued to pluck on his hair. 

Tatra grabbed the nearest student, which happened to be Ron, and started rubbing his head on the wall. 

"I love you Draco," Catty said, batting her eyelashes. 

Draco screamed and ran in horror. Then he realized that Catty was still attached to them. 

"Stop it!" Ron yelled. 

"Why?" Tatra asked, starting to rub his head on the floor. 

"Because it's too weird!" Ron yelled. 

"I like weird!" Tatra said. 

"But this is too weird!" Ron replied. 

"So?" Tatra said, still rubbing his head on the floor. 

"So stop!" Ron screamed. 

Catty pulled a handkerchief out of her robes and tied her leg to Draco's. 

"Let's have a race!" She yelled. 

"Yeah!" Tatra cried, tying her leg to Ron's. 

Then she snapped her fingers and Harry and Hermione's legs were tied together. 

"1...2...3!" 

They were off. 

The race was over before it started. As soon as Harry and Hermione took their first step, Draco and Catty screamed, "I won! I won! I won!" 

"Yup I won!" Tatra said. 

"What about me?" Ron asked. 

"What about you?" Tatra asked. 

"Never mind," Ron sighed heavily. 

"Fishy wishy how about a kissy?" Catty asked as she gave Draco a big, wet kiss on the lips. 

"Yuck!" Draco yelled as he ran to a bathroom and washed his lips, Catty still with them. 

Just then Catty started singing Dragula by Rob Zombie. 

"Let's just go down to the Great Hall, maybe they won't follow this time," Hermione said to Ron and Harry. 

"Alright," they replied. 

"I'll be there in a bit, I need to change into a bathrobe and get another hammer," Tatra said. 

Ron, Harry, Hermione, Catty, Draco and his hair went down to the Great Hall. 


End file.
